I have an organized home. I enjoy clean, minimal workspaces. My computer is filled with data and propels me to even greater efficiency and data-management. All that being said, sometimes its nice to be a little random. Avoid a themed post, with everything fitting as some whole unit. Sometimes its nice not to worry about organizing things, and just trust that people will find what they need. Sometimes its nice to just… go with the flow.

Sometimes some of the best things come from just letting go, so here’s a sampling of things that caught my attention. Enjoy the links

a nice chat - a free random 1-to-1 chat with someone else looking for the exact same thing i met a chick in the UK named jade who likes tool. note: while on this site it is best to think happy thoughts and attract people with aliases like “beautifullove123″ and “sunshinegirl” while avoiding the “dr. aids69″, “suicideboy” and other less-than-desirables.

cool note from the boss - a creative take on western business practices, i love it.

solar power generating sunglasses - they just make sense.

the haiku page - haikus are just… nice.:)

one of my fave xkcd comics on creativity - choices: part 4.

a crazy food cures chart - lists health benefits of tons of food, just the straight goods (though no explanations or proof of any kind, so if you’re big on that, perhaps skip it

21 awesome but lesser known windows apps - love it. tons of amazing programs here. some of which i’ve commented on, appreciated, or donated to.

creative cussing - this guy has a pretty cool blog.

fusion-brands products - these guys make awesome stuff, a vertical ice cube tray for example.

yoga for neck and upper-back - so so so many people i know could benefit greatly from this information if put to good use.

liquid lamps - add a touch of uniqueness to any room… until everyone acquires one anyway

self-improvement / motivational blog - improving the world…

opera 10 - i’ve always loved opera web browser. i’ve used it since version 3.0 and it i don’t think even once has it ever not been the fastest browser i’ve used. its had some rough times, ups and downs vs. firefox, but version 10 looks absolutely stunning (and it finally runs gmail!).

5 creepy beach sculptures - these are pretty awesome. wow. see the beach in a new light.

learn to do a backflip in 10 minutes - i’d say more like 30min, but its still hot.

cute anime-type cutesy cuteness - !

electronic motions.com - strange yet impressive digitized expressions. kind of surreal…

crazy gifts for foodies - i love food but uh… these are crazy, i mean, “peanut-butter of the month club?”

eco relief - quick relief from stress.

ubermans sleep schedule - uberman teaches a method to need only a few hours a night.

creative sinks and wash-basins - for whatever reason, some people have felt the need to design really cool sinks.

30 tutorials that will teach you illustrator - in case you wanted to learn something graphic-design-y.

5 years old and happy - a short but awesome anecdote.

simple-ology - the simple science of getting what you want.

and lastly…

removing virtumonde - a tip of the iceberg forum post on removing one of the most prolific and annoying computer viruses of the year.

Osho, a (highly controversial) spiritual master, says in his book, Creativity Unleashed:

"Creativity has nothing to do with any activity in particular — with painting, poetry, dancing, singing — it has nothing to do with anything in particular. Anything can be creative; it is you who brings that quality to the activity. Activity itself is neither creative nor uncreative. You can paint in an uncreative way, you can sing in an uncreative way. You can clean the floor in a creative way, you can cook in a creative way. Creativity is the quality that you bring to the activity you are doing. It is an attitude, an inner approach — how you look at things."

I feel he has hit it pretty much spot on. Anything and everything can be creative in every moment, in every breath, even destruction.

I’m going to share a personal family experience, that I always find to be absolutely amazing. Every December, my Mom makes a particular recipe of short-bread dough, with incredible finesse, and then deposits it in front of my siblings, Father and I along with some cookie cutters. The pre-made shapes are merely an appetizer, because we always end up carving our incredibly complex ideas for Christmas cookies out of the simplistic dough.

 

Pictured above, from Fonceca Christmas 2002, we have the hyper-l33t (what is l33t?) cookie and what I believe was an eagle (apparently with heavily clumped and tumourous feathers — it was quite the task to create an organic shape like an eagle out of dough and it turned out pretty nice with icing below). Worthy of note: Short-bread dough is a difficult and unforgiving medium to sculpt with, and on top of that all we have are steak knives, butter knives, and toothpicks to help us.

Next up we have some beautiful creative portraits, both from the mind of my sister no doubt, she is by far the most adept and ambitious short-bread sculptor, generally putting us all to shame with actual recognizable portraiture in dough. Okay, granted, MJ is a bit rough and looks like a melting alien, but couldn’t that be considered kind of true-to-life?

  

***

And some more portrait brilliance from Megs, this time we have the often proudly quirky Bjork (who I think would be tickled to have a cookie in her honor, even if it is barely recognizable — that’s part of the fun of creativity: whacked out experiments!) and that kid from the oblongs whose name I forget Milo from the Oblongs (an animated show that started out with a small audience and cancellations but eventually got recognition on Adult Swim — interesting note: Bob Oblong is voiced by Will Ferrell.) *Also, when Megs saw this picture from way back when, she did not recall creating a Bjork cookie at all…

  

A Christmas "Shank" or "Shiv", and to go with it a wounded short-bread man with a gaping abdominal slash. Some people may find our concept of creative Christmas cookies to be horrifying, grotesque, and/or offensive… and they’re usually the same people who don’t find Monty Python, South Park, or Aqua Teen Hunger Force Funny, nor do they actually allow themselves to ‘have fun.’

  

Below are the iced versions of two Fonceca X-mas staples: the Bloodshot Christmas Eye, and the EasyBake Oven. The eye seems to become more and more real and impressive looking every year (wish I could dig up more pictures,) and the EasyBake is an amazing concotion of Nick’s prank-driven mind. Its a cookie, hollowed out and filled with an unpleasant (for most people) amount of icing, then covered with a short-bread lid and RE-iced so it once again appears to be one solid iced cookie. Offering a tin of cookies to guests is often like russian roulette, we all wait to see who reaches in and picks out the EasyBake booby-trap. I’ve now just given this away, but I bet it’ll be chosen regardless

  

The rest of these are from 2005 or newer. Very often we’ll create recognizable shapes from pop-culture. I think its probably because we all get kind of a charge of coming up with an obscure pop culture reference and then yelling it out to others with ‘Christmas’ as a pre-fix. For example: "I’m gonna make a Christmas Pac-Man!" or "I’ve got it! Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome… Christmas Handbanana! [NSFW, full-episode, hahahaha]" (Handbanana is a cameo character from the Adult Swim cartoon series Aqua Teen Hunger Force, by brilliant comedy creators Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro.

  

And some more of the same… indie/cult superhero The Maxx (though with mixed up colors, another casualty of off-the-cuff random cookie fun) created by Sam Kieth (who has been featured on this site before in the creative artists section), as well as Casey Jones of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame (a throwback to our child-hood, very much like these cookies themselves.)

 

Ok, prepare thyselves, below are some Christmas cherries that MAY have started out as… er… something else.      Oh yeah, and there’s a damaged MechWarrior as well.

  

This post is coming to a close as we look at Jean-Luc Picard pre-icing, and post-icing, along with an army of X-mas ninjas (if you look really closely, one of the ninjas appears to be missing an armband, the reason is, he’s an injured, one-armed, amputee ninja) and a Christmas Tadpole — but if you really think about it, how many people do you know who would put looking foolish aside and tackle a portrait in short-bread? How many would have a fun, mind-stretching experience… just making cookies? Well, whatever the answer, I feel like the world could definitely use some more, so I post this in order to inspire. Scroll down for my favourite cookie of all.

  

Here we go…

The next cookie was an absolute brilliant idea from my brother Drew (who is an awesome martial artist himself), but it was one he chose not to bring to life because the dough was drying and not co-operating. Megs volunteered to tackle it and Mom offered to touch up the dough… and so it began. Presenting my sister’s latest and greatest cookie-creation: A Christmas Ryu in ShoRyuKen pose. This isn’t my favourite because I like Street Fighter, but because it looks so good. The detail on the bandana, the chocolate sprinkles belt, and the streaming blue-pink energy from his arm and hand are incredible to me, and hey, i believe Street Fighter 4 is on the horizon, isn’t it?

Note: I was unable to find a picture of Ryu actually executing an uppercut (despite its common use in-game), but I did find this amazing artwork of Ryu by Jo Chen, an excellent comic/manga artist, who’s done a lot of work for Joss Whedon franchises.

This is just an example of how any act can be creative. Is there something you love to do? Do it creatively. Is there something you hate doing? Perhaps try a creative take on it and see if it ends up being much more enjoyable.

what does this mean for you? well, in the near future i will likely be offering a number of free portraits in order to test out the new camera.

what this means for me is i am able to create much higher-quality, higher-resolution works, in even less time.

***

i also had a random meeting with two greenpeace staff on the street. leeshai(sp?) and jack. i’ve heard all kinds of opinions on greenpeace and i’m sure everyone has their own experiences about it. in the past i’ve shrugged them off as just some environmental fanatics…

…and they might be

but these two people were awesome. not crazy or off-putting or unpleasant in the slightest. in fact, the opposite. i would have gladly chilled with them in a social setting. even when the topic of nuclear power came up (hot button topic in some of my circles) they were really open to it, saying it wasn’t black and white, and that it potentially had huge benefits if it was done right, and demonstrating that greenpeace’s support of other power sources merely stimulates competition which would push both nuclear and say, wind power, to do better and be more efficient.

they made it clear that they were doing big things and they were not a corporation selling stuff to make profit, but that they were supported by a large body of volunteers / the public, which i found extremely interesting. at the end of it all, i chose not to become a member at the time, and they were totally cool with that, but i do feel they’ve given me some inspiration and an interesting new direction for my art to explore, so we’ll see.

i just finished up two commissions, one of which has to remain unshown on spiritsentient due to privacy concerns, which i feel will change, because its absolutely beautiful, and have some other wonderful projects on the go.

***

on another note, you may be aware that i am a huge proponent of taking creative risks in life, learning new disciplines and skills, and breaking out of comfort zones.

after years of leaving it on the back-burner, i finally went rock-climbing (indoor only so far), and it was amazing. what a wonderful experience. a new found awareness ofmy own strength, weight, and balance. my flexibility and energy are increased, and its an awesome feeling clinging to something high off the ground. i can see it bringing people closer, depending on who one decides to climb with.

i could feel life guiding me to the experience. many of my friends have gone / invited me over the years. then more recently, my friend neel sent me a link to a video of sonnie trotter engaged in different (impressive) training exercises for climbing.

i could not stop showing that video (and others, of sonnie making the first ascent of cobra crack or attempting other intense routes) to my family and friends; i felt inspired. i had a very strong feeling that it was the time to try some climbing.

sonnie is a climber/writer/photographer hailing from bc. he is tremendously accomplished, very creative, and an absolute pleasure to associate with, and for me, extremely inspirational. i feel he has vision and direction (which is a topic that relates heavily to creativity) and i’m more than happy to link to his official site, wikipedia’s article about him and a couple videos.

“John wasn’t sure exactly how it happened, but he and his high school buddies had drifted apart.”

“Jade was so glad to be out of that relationship, it was really stifling her, but she lost all their mutual friends.”

“Jason wasn’t upset about the others reactions because he knew he was on to bigger and better things.”

Have you ever drifted away from friends or had them drift away from you? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship and left it, or been ejected out of it? Ever seen argument or a fight with friends turn out to be for the best?

So how does all this rhetoric relate to creativity?

NEW-NESS

When most people encounter the word ‘creative’ they generally envision a form of one or more of the following:
-a new process
-a new result
-a new innovation
-a new experience or feeling
-something original
-something unique
-something personal

the common theme here is a ‘new-ness’ of some kind, and what that means exactly may be another article entirely. what i’d like to focus on today is how new people and new social circles can affect one’s own creativity.

arthur - social circle a)
let’s say arthur desires strongly to be an awesome and well-recognized musician. he loves music and feels thrilled when he’s playing it. he’s talented and he has the potential within him to realize this goal, but every day he spends what little money he gets from his retail-wage job on weed so he can then spend his time hanging out with his stoner ‘jam’-buddies and ‘having fun.’ is he taking mature steps towards his goal? most people can see objectively a lot of his time, money, and energy is being funneled into his social circle, which revolves around weed, munchies, and half-assed musicianship.

arthur - social circle b)
now picture arthur seeking out new connections in life, trolling craigslist for driven musicians or graphic artists or befriending an established vocal coach somewhere. now when he’s ‘chilling out’ and shooting the breeze with his friends, its talking about new developments in music technology or awesome cool vocal exercises one can use to improve over a cold beer or a good meal. instead of spending his money on weed, maybe he’s giving it to the highly-deserving vocal coach friend, who is in turn offering arthur a discount because of their friendship.

another example? aw, you guys are the best, i just happen to have one!

marshall - social circle a)
marshall lived in a small town, he’d always been a ‘good boy’ as he was growing up, and didn’t touch alcohol or weed or do anything generally considered ‘fun.’ he went through the motions of school and jobs and so on, but he was mainly aimless and had no real gifts that he could see. he hung around the friends his parents chose for him and became used to it, and so he stagnated. he wrote the odd song or poem to get his angst out and they were okay, but only a handful people saw them and even less appreciated them. we can notice that marshall stagnates and settles for his comfort zone and his lowest-common-denominator social circle, and this sets him up for his lowest-common-denominator creativity.

marshall - social circle b)
now picture marshall boldly leaving the small town, despite the risks, travelling to a big city and meeting a whole bunch of ganja-smokin’ hip-hoppers who freestyled and battled any time they had free. they had connections and had gotten around… some of them were dj’s and producers and talented graffiti artists. they encouraged marshall to smoke up, kick back, and rap with them. the big city is comparitively tolerant and doesn’t bat an eye at ‘corrupting’ a small-town kid like marshall, but because of all this he starts to realize he can rap and his life is in his own hands, not his parents or his towns. his poems and angst become rhymes with a message and a rhythm. he finds relaxation and inspiration from his smoking/rapping sessions with his crew, and is on his way to becoming arthur from the above example or perhaps… the next eminem.

in the above examples . . . social circle a) stifles and holds back creativity, and the subjects allow it to, while social circle b) motivates, inspires, and enhances creativity, and it was up to each individual to seek those connections out or at the very least be open-minded to the possibility.

these are very basic, simplified examples, and many many more factors can be involved, but the main point is this: a very important thing to pay attention to in order to access one’s utmost creativity is the company one keeps. a beautiful thing about it is that it works both ways, if you take a very bold, creative step, you may find your social circle changing because of it. yes! there are examples (shorter one’s, promise!)

BOLD STEPS CAN CHANGE CIRCLES

a) if you leave a job to start your own business or do something awesome in life, you may find much bitterness and resentment from co-worker friends, or you may be subjected to jealousy from others (especially if you succeed in your own business and live life on your own terms.) at the same time you may connect with amazing, wonderful, strong people who support what you’re doing or look at you as an inspirational flame to look up to / learn from.

b) if you take a big step like moving, you may find your social circle changes drastically, but you can’t really fathom going back to the old one (save 1 or 2 awesome friends )

c) if you put a relationship behind you and are suddenly single, you may encounter “he said/she said” drama from friends you visited as a couple. on the other hand you may have your eyes opened up and perhaps go out and mingle more, or hold higher standards, thus meeting many new impressive connections or a mate much better suited to you.

fear of receiving some of the reactions listed above is often a factor preventing people from creating a new life; they may be so comfortable and clingy towards a particular social circle, that they’d rather crush their own dreams than risk a bad reaction from their ‘peeps.’

or they’re worried about sharing their true feelings with close friends because then they “might have a big fight and might lose their oldest friends.”

and that’s fine, that’s where some of us are at in life, which brings us to ‘levels’.

LEVELS

many books and theories see life/human development in terms of levels. Dr. David R. Hawkins in his book Power vs. Force categorizes humans into different ‘levels’ of consciousness (guilt, fear, anger, courage, willingness, reason, love, hope, joy, enlightenment, etc.) and these categorizations may help in understanding our own social circles, but ‘levels’ imply one being higher, or better than the others, whereas i prefer to look at them simply as different.

so instead of looking at our development in life through the device of levels (its all the same thing really, no matter what one labels it,) many people look at life as one long path or journey. following along that analogy it is certainly possible to stop and be distracted by picnickers and lollygaggers briefly “stopping to smell the roses.” or one can walk with a group at the pace they set, or one can run and skip freely ahead of others, or one can build a small hut and stay at that spot on the path for quite a while.

my personal preference has been a combination of most of these, but primarily i enjoy inspiring and encouraging and exciting others to keep pace with me. the thing is, depending on the pace we’re travelling (or growing) at, often times others can get beautifully caught up with us in our slipstream of sorts and get pulled along, other times though, there is no choice but to leave them in the dust, for whatever reason they are really clinging to a certain part of the journey of life, and that is something to respect.

in my life i have held others back and allowed others to hold me back yet i’ve also helped others grow and had others help me grow. i have to say, the growth feels so amazing, i can barely remember ever choosing anything else.

this can shed some interesting light on things like arguments with people that push one away, break-ups, travelling, deaths, births, etc. maybe they’re all merely propelling us forward on the path of life?

if we look back on our life, we can usually notice different social circles. do we repeat the same patterns, does our circle change often? do we bring our circles along with us, inspiring them to grow and be more creative? sometimes it feels scary to examine one’s own life, and sometimes it feels fun…

maybe it’s time to give it a try

thanks for reading

I’m pretty excited. 4 of my works have been accepted to the art:raw inaugural exhibition in New York. they have a really classy site and a lot of work and effort has gone into the event. here’s an excerpt from them:

Our current collectors and trade professionals will receive a special invitation to the preview night. We also have members of the press on the list of invitees, so if you’re in NYC stop by February 19 for the opening. The show will be advertised in at least one national magazine- we’re currently negotiating with Art Forum magazine- as well as every local service in New York. And we’re working on event sponsors.

The mission of Art Raw Gallery is to expose emerging artists to the New York market. We will be choosing artists from the inaugural show for future exhibitions with every exhibit in 2009 being curated by other artists. Excitement has already brewed around this event as one of the largest in Manhattan and regardless of the news, champagne continues to flow in the art world.

–art:raw

i’m amped about this thing, it looks *so* cool. hundreds of works by international artists to check out. live video feed. dunno if anyone’s interested in taking a trip to new york for the opening on February 19th, but feel free to drop me a line.

my works were featured on their site for a while but with tons of artists to organize there is currently some re-organization going. for now, my name is on the list of participating artists, and more info can be found on their event page.

keep you all posted

i have been hunting down and building up links for an awesome article for men as well, which i hope to release shortly. which is not to say that these creative beauty posts are not beneficial to men as well, even while putting them together i learned a lot, was able to put myself in another person’s shoes, and really improved my own understanding of the world.

in the same manner as last time, i’ve left these in random order to hopefully encourage a gradual absorption of what’s here and to increase attention. enjoy!

what it is to be a woman - one of the most beautiful pieces on the internal and external beauty of women i’ve read.

eco-salon - 24 ways to quiet your mind.

10 home birth facts no one is telling you - love those catchy titles

hunter nuttall - how to be a woman - definitely some interesting content.

teen girls may be having oral sex, but the problem is you - the comments section of the above link contains some intriguing responses.

focus on your self. it may sound a little counter-intuitive, but i still recommended being selfish. take steps and learn and grow for yourself. acquire or develop new traits and characteristics and habits in yourself that make *you* feel like a better person. does it feel good to be irresistible and desirable? then do it for yourself, not to get anything (a date, love, etc.,) focus on that. does it feel good to worry less and be more playful? then look to others who are this way and learn from them. by improving oneself, there lies a powerful way to help the world and everyone around you at the same time. it helps both the self and others, and you may be surprised at what phenomenal rewards are in store. what are some ways to be a more beautiful woman? this post may give some ideas: 12 things women do that men find irresistible.

posh organix - avoid putting toxins on your body or into the environment and still get high quality beauty care products.

10 benefits to orgasms - control appetite, tone muscle, sleep better, boost immune system, and more

30 skills every woman should have before she turns 30 - lol, pretty self-explanatory.

bra-fittings - indirectly about the soul, learn about them NOW. please. for yourself, for your body, for all the people who behold you

smart girls at the party - a tv show with good intentions, celebrates young girls changing the world by being themselves. a little mushy for some people, but the trailers’ worth a quick look.

any-body - challenging the limited representation of females in society… i get a weird vibe from this site, but i’m going to link it anyway. take whatever good you can from it.

10 crazy facts about love - “If we take our cue from apes, rosy cheeks are crucial in the dating game, says a new study.” facts? perhaps…

internet dating stories - some great real-life stories on here. categories like: before we even met, bizarre dates, happily ever after, rants, etc.

mon.thly.info - don’t think i can summarize it better than this quote: “Thank God I discovered Mon.thly.Info a website that takes the guesswork out of menstruating by tracking and predicting your period, free of charge. –BUST Magazine

men most romantic at 53 - uh… love sweeping generalizations, but i am sure some women would be interested in this.

kissing.com - the art of kissing. this feels pretty natural to me and they push a dvd for sale; still there is a lot of good material in there: kissing with braces, different types of kiss, how to get boys to kiss you (, if its me… just ask :P) kissing is a powerful soulful exchange. can’t hurt to learn about… or try…. mm.

triangle theory of love - supremely interesting take on the different types of love we feel.

this is what its like being a hot girl - a guy conducts a social experiment to see what its like to be a hot chick online. can really help one put themselves in anothers shoes.

ABC of yoga - a friendly introduction to a beneficial chakra-balancing practice many are interested in.

what the motherhood mafia never told you - the mystery of birth is often shrouded in superstition - pregnancy myths such as “eating for two” are debunked here.

defining your style - tips like: find a mentor, pick someone to guide you to new levels of style

love your body - every day!

things to keep - keep your thoughts positive, because they become your words…

our intentions is where most of our changes take place. if a person truly intends something there is a subtle shift in energy, it might not even be apparent or noticeable, even to the person who chose to intend something. a man is walking north towards a mountain, as he walks he realizes the mountain lies slightly west and that if he keeps walking in a line straight north he is actually getting further and further and will miss it by miles. so he decides to make the tiniest change in his direction, a barely noticeable footfall. and now he is heading more northwest, and almost directly towards the mountain. he just saved himself from missing his mark and tremendous amounts of work/backtracking. this is what our intentions are like. intentions will get your thoughts on the right track. your thoughts will repeat and serve their purpose and guide your actions, actions become habits and suddenly you’re living in the way you intended. it may take a little time or a lot, but that minute change in life’s direction is key.

intend to be miserable and difficult. intend to find some drama or be a victim… or intend to be a healthy weight. intend to be a vibrant personality, its so simple, it doesn’t even require action… the action follows the thought which follows the intention. there may be some hard times involved on the path, some hills and valleys, but at least we are intending directly towards our destination. what should we intend? intend whatever you feel will make you happiest, but here’s a personal favourite: joy is sexy.

12 powerful life lessons - follow your dreams, don’t fear the unknown. simple stuff but a great reminder and explained in nice language.

what makes a woman sexy - how to beautiful, attractive, desirable and unforgettable.

a couple bonus links:

live on less and love it - perhaps an eye-opener of what can be done when we stop seeking wealth and appreciating what we have.

the girl who silenced the world - this could be looked at as a dramatic take on the environment and feels a little harsh on the cycle of life perhaps, but i feel it will appeal to readers of my site. i’d love to hear some thoughts on this one. “even when we have more than enough, we will not share with the needy. we are afraid to share. afraid to let go of some of our wealth.”

that wraps up this post. its not strictly, 100% about beautifying the ’soul’, except in that everything is about beautifying the soul, but it stays away from most of the physical aspects of beauty. if you’re interested in beautifying the body more, check out pt. 1. take some time to share some thoughts if you feel like it…

it took many many layers and re-working and playing to get it right and i’d like to give a huge heartfelt thank you to david leggett’s spray brushes for photoshop (whose beautifully designed tools i’ve used once before.)

Tribute - 2008.10.21

(if anyone is interested in purchasing this piece please head over to the shop.)

“You are invited to The Third Annual Art for Awareness Silent Auction at Hemingway’s on Saturday, October 18th at 8pm.  Following the auction, there will be a live musical performance by wordPEOPLE.  All proceeds from this event will be donated to The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health.  Hemingway’s is located at 142 Cumberland Street in Yorkville. “

if you are interested i’d love to see you out at hemmingway’s in yorkville this saturday for awesome art, live music, good times and a fun experience :)  invite someone else, make an evening of it, who knows maybe you’ll get some awesome art for a good deal!

in this article, i’m going to discuss a major block to living creatively, the relationship between abuser and victim, because that relationship is often what prevents growth, the formation of new ideas, or avenues for different solutions, and so on.

how many times have you heard someone say that they “can’t” take steps towards a desire that they have, or expand their skillset or creative horizons “until they _____” (fill in the blank.) victims tend to feel at the mercy of all their outside surroudings, completely and monumentally incapable of exerting even the smallest change in their situation or lives, or they automatically assume that such a change if implemented would be negligible and “not make a difference.” they feel the world is unfair and refuse to take responsiblity for it.

examples of the victim mentality

-“ginger complains she can’t make more money until women’s/minorities place in the world is improved.” — so she wait for rights to improve.

-“raph tells me he won’t be able to find a good woman until he has a good job.” — so he doesn’t even try, interestingly though, a characteristic he attributes to a good woman is one that doesn’t care too much about money.

-“donna says she can’t lose weight until i’m out of this abusive relationship.” — but donna won’t leave the relationship until she’s sure she won’t be alone, so its a catch 22.

abusers generally feel powerless deep-down and want to feel powerful or loved and that there are no alternatives to taking what they want at others expense. they take and hold onto anything that’s even remotely good to them, and gripping so tightly, they often settle for a sub-standard version of what they really want or they close themselves off to many opportunities for more. victims sometimes feel that abusers “have it good,” (in fact askmen.com even has an article teaching the skill of intimidation) taking advantage of others, but generally, it does not feel good to behave the way they do, there is a feeling of inferiority. the trend with abusers is interrogation, intimidation, and aggression.

examples of the abuser mentality:

-“oh you’ll never get ahead that way, do such and such like i do or you’ll be a loser.” — they think all about winning, losing, competing and are happy to step on others while doing so.

-“do you want to lose me? huh? do you? do you want to end up alone on the streets?” — they will paint (often loudly and aggressivley) intimidating pictures to manipulate others into doing what they want.

-“why would you DO something like that? i would’ve done it like this.” — a subtler example, notice the tendency to negate others steps in life and exert domination, control, and superiority.

how do these types of behaviour stifle creativity? they have a tendency to lock people into cycles, which take progressively more energy to break out of and it can be a long journey to get past them (unless a threshold is broken and someone ’snaps’, then it usually occurs quickly and sometimes violently.) it is generally a rare thing to find a musician/artist/dancer in a dead end job and an unhealthy abusive relationship who is successfully creating beautifully. instead they are generally tired, unmotivated and stuck in a routine. the reasons may vary when you talk to these people about their desires and passions from “oh i just don’t have the time” to “it takes too much work” to “my partner doesn’t support it/want it so i don’t do it” and so on, but the end result is the same, they take zero active steps towards their goal.

life has ways of taking care of these issues, whether pushing someone to their breaking point, guiding them to articles that may break the cycle or plant the seed for them to change their views, or something even more subtle, so its not a big deal. mainly i want to share that there may be more pleasant ways to avoid the situation altogether or learn about it quickly and efficiently. some of these lessons i learned myself took a little longer than i’d have chosen now that i know what i know .

mass examples in society

some very common situations look at mass victim-abuser mentality, and are all generally considered controversial semi-taboo subjects where i live: rape, slavery, class-distinction, feminism, gay-rights, single-mothers, immigrants, sexual abuse, alcoholism/addiction, etc. in regards to these subjects it is not uncommon for me to hear things like:

-”oh, they are asking for it when they get raped.”

-”they deserve it after putting up with years of slavery.”
-”that person was abused as a child, they just can’t help themselves.”
-”understand they do not have control over the situation, they are literally being forced or coerced.”

these issues usually bring out strongly divided opinions when discussed, for one side or another, one sympathizing passionately for the victim and the other rampantly justifying the attacker’s behaviour. i find it extremely rare to see a kind-hearted, open, honest discussion of the small and large choices each role makes in the victim-abuser relationship.

personal examples

whether you’re familiar with the above types of behaviour or not, throwing blame around and interrogating others are things i’ve encountered from time to time, and things i’ve done myself in the past, and while doing so i basically got myself stuck in life. uncreative, stagnant, and settling. i will share a couple personal examples where i will focus on my role in this, but there is a flipside and the other people i interacted with in these situations had their own responsibilities in the matter.

i made very little art while i was busy being miserable about circumstances or being tired from the hoops i was ‘forced’ to jump through by others all day. i settled for low wages despite knowing deep down i could, should, and would earn far more doing what i truly wanted. when i put that mentality aside and trusted myself (and the world) that i would be ok and did not need to depend on abusive bosses, non-paying clients and mundane workplaces to survive, i realized that death was not something to fear and that the fear (so much fear) itself is what held me back from creatively thriving. that’s all i did, i just chose not to depend on things i had learned to depend on. somehow in life i’d gotten the impression that any job was better than no job, and that putting up with shit was a virtue. i made the very small-and-yet-large-at-the-same-time choice to no longer think that way. many things have happened since then that never would’ve occurred if i’d kept banging my head against a wall in the same cycle. now i face challenges everyday and limitations that force me to think out of the box but it is not a crushing miserable weight, it is a pleasant pressure, like a slight push or guide in the right direction.

an example of some aggressive behaviour i’d engaged in my life is that i was unable to appreciate the massive amounts of beautiful women available to me for a while because i was too focused and too busy trying to mould and control and force one relationship into being what i wanted instead of being open to tons of others. pointed questions and tense exchanges were the norm, and i am sure i wasn’t helping others feel good nor myself. it went on for sometime because like a classic abuser mentality, i was “worried that this would be my only chance to have the relationship i wanted.” eventually, when i grew past that and let it all go, extremely quickly i became a magnetic power for the type of relationship and people i felt good about. these days i tend to have an excess of beautiful women, inside and out and wonderful family friends and clients i get along with in my life and i only see more on the horizon.

why was i stuck in these conditions that did not feel right and good and desirable to me? because my choices kept me stuck that way. only when i made different choices, did the situation change. acknowledgement of this simple principle changed my life and i am so grateful.

what can be done?

choose differently; everything in life is a choice. if you know you are stuck in a victim mentality of blaming others and feeling helpless, acknowledge that you are a person with mind, heart, body and that it takes two people to create the abuser-victim relationship and we all have our part in it. make a creative choice to stop complaining about your life and see what happens. experiment with smiling when you wake and before you sleep everyday for a week and see what happens. consider hugging someone when you feel they are abusing you, maybe they could use it, see what happens. there are tons and tons and tons of choices and actions that are easy and subtle and small steps that can have drastic and almost surreal results.

if you know that you intimidate others and don’t have very close relationships, take a baby step to change the cycle. resolve to share at least one personal thing with someone you wish you had a better relationship with (son, partner, friend, stranger, etc.) each month. if you feel the need to bully people and take advantage to get what you want, make a creative decision and try letting go of what you want: that promotion you trash-talk others in order to get, perhaps try waiting a bit or even recommending another person for the job and see what happens — you might not get the promotion, but you might be chosen for a better position weeks later for speaking nicely of others. too difficult? try something extra-simple like telling your mirror every morning that “you are truly loved and do not need to hoard or take from others,” then you can still continue on the cycle as you’re used to, just make that tiny 10 second change in your morning routine and see what happens.

people can be creative, experiment, and use their power and beautiful ability to choose, to try something different…

…or they can continue in the same vein they’ve been behaving in up til now.

we all have the choice

take care,
-j.

a few weeks ago i placed 4 of my works (stepping through, precious decoration, queen and soho, and rgb) in a beautiful furniture studio called armario in vaughan mills village (255 bass pro mills dr., right beside vaughan mills mall.) the people running the place are absolutely wonderful and seem very kind and family oriented and the furniture designs are contemporary and elegant and gorgeous. i’d love to own almost anything from there. i highly recommend checking the place out. their website armario.ca is classy and can give a good feel for what they’re all about.

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nuit blanche: i am sure the whole city is going to be abuzz with this today (talking about the zombie-walk?), i had intended to skip it in favour of rest, but at last minute i was persuaded to go out by my friends greg and jackie and i’m glad i did. there was soooo much beautiful art in the city, and so many people appreciating it. it was just a wonderful vibe all around.

my favourite was steven nederveen who specializes in works in a photo-transfer / mixed-media / gold-leaf kind of method, and i found it creative and inspiring. beautiful stuff.

it really needs to be seen in a gallery, close up, to be appreciated fully. wow.

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finally: tonight is alexander keith’s birthday and it’s being celebrated at locations like molly blooms and the madison and so on around toronto… most notably its being celebrated in hemmingway’s who is currently displaying (and auctioning) 2 of my works for an organization called art 4 awareness that uses art to help various causes, like CAMH. if you’re lookin’ to get out tonight, consider hemmingway’s!

hemmingway’s at ourfaves.com

also, on october 18th, the actual artworks at hemmingway’s are being auctioned off, and there’s a live musical performance. may help you plan if you wanna come hang out and check the scene.

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p.s. i’ve been working on tons of new pieces and currently have a commission on my plate, hopefully some beautiful pieces completed soon.

much love!