Posts Tagged "skills"
Value or Val-You?
Boo!
Did I scare you?
No?
Well, that’s probably for the best, as I wasn’t trying to, I just wanted a slightly uncommon way to start my post on Value. Its fun writing ‘Value’ with a capital V. Every human being has tremendous value. Huge value. Nearly incomprehensible amounts of value… the thing is, a good portion of the world acts and behaves as if they themselves, as well as others, have very little value.
They’ll put more value on money and greed over the value of other people, scamming them and ripping them off and looking at them as just a sale or a number. Or they’ll place their life-mate’s time and wants and needs consistently above their own, as they repress themselves in a relationship. Or any other number of situations that I think we’d all choose to avoid if we were aware there were alternatives, of which there are many!
"A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." – Oscar Wilde
Price vs. Value
In most western countries, the current prevailing mindset (and if you look carefully, its changing) is that of the capitalist. "Save every dollar, scrounge every penny, cut every corner you can get away with – its the only way to get ahead of this struggle." This mindset produces exactly what it sounds like it would produce, a bunch of people fighting to get their piece of the pie, we’ll call them, the pie-cutters. I personally run in a different circle, I spend my time with people who have a different understanding of value, they are the ones who feel the world is a beautiful, abundant place, with more than enough for everyone and if we simply manage our thoughts differently, we’ll see the evidence of this, So these people are happy to give their all and go the extra-mile for themselves and others. We’ll call them the extra-milers.
Now let’s take a look at a case study together. Let us imagine that you’re looking to buy or invest in something in your life – lets say you’re tired, sore, tight, and your body could use some TLC. So you’d like a massage, for example.
So you head onto craigslist and find what looks like 2 reasonably priced massage therapists. You can choose to do business with a massage therapist from the pie-cutter camp, or from the extra-miler camp. Let’s say they’re twins — exactly equal skill, they’re both intelligent, both charge the same amount — The only difference between the two is one has the mindset of "struggling to get his piece of the pie," and the other has the mindset that "the world is an abundant place and he and everyone else will be taken care of as soon as we start valuing each other."
Now, unbeknownst to you, these two twin massage therapists are both just starting up their business, they both recently invested and have rent and debt hanging over their heads, and they both could really use your business.
Our pie-cutter therapist thinks like this: "I need to spam simple craigslists ads, psychologically if I keep making people see my same ad over and over they’ll eventually crack and come to me. After that, I’ll charge them $70.00 an hour cuz that’s as little as I can afford to cover the costs of my massage equipment and rental space. I’ll also use this cheaper oil I got from a supplier in China, sure its not the greatest but I’ll just keep that a secret from the client." – I can see this therapist may attract a trickle of clients, who likely won’t be ultra-satisfied.
Our extra-miler thinks like this: "I simply love giving massages. I love being the best I can be. I love helping people and I love having people know that, so I will make an amazing craigslist ad. Then, I’ll charge them only $35..00 for their first session, and even though I’ll lose money and its scary cuz I can’t pay rent, I know that what I do is so beneficial and such good value, that people will come back to me as repeat business *and* tell all their friends. I’m glad I studied biology, anatomy and essential oils, so now I can use some hand-crafted oils made and researched specifically to have a healing massage, and I can’t wait to share this awesome info with my clients." – I could see this therapist attracting a ton of loyal, excited, clients who loves him and his work.
After a brief e-mail or chat with each of these candidates, which would you choose? I think its safe to say we’d all choose the extra-miler. If you look at most successful and fulfilled people in life, they’re extra-milers. The way they treat people, friends, clients, suppliers, employees, bosses, whoever. They hold an amazing mindset, even if things seem risky or scary, and it pays off for them a million times over.
Often when I discuss this situation with any of the pie-cutters, I end up confronted by tons of resistance and many excuses as to why changing their mindset is too scary, risky, unaffordable, etc. and often despite knowing that I’m a creative thinking person, just brimming with solutions, they’ll tell me that there *is* no other way and they can’t believe I’ve taken the risks I’ve taken, let alone for them to do it — and so they remain pie-cutters, reaping a pie-cutter’s results. When I discuss this situation with extra-milers, they invariably share their joy in life and express an intense desire for all the pie-cutters to join us in success, and for them to change their mindset and do things a different way.
Value is the essence of things which improve one’s life. Price is simply the nearly arbitrary money/time investment required of us to gain the essence of Value. When you offer something to the world, it doesn’t matter so much what price you charge (OK, it matters a bit 
,) but it matters how much value you’re offering. When you are investing in something, it doesn’t really matter how much you’re paying as much as how much value this investrment will bring to you and the people around you.
So that’s a quick look at how value vs. price works in day-to-day to life, but that’s not all. Possibly more worthy of your attention, is the value you place on yourself.
Do you value You?
Have you ever known a musician who’s obvious true calling was so bright and clear to you, but they chose to work in another field where they were miserable? An artist who creates the most beautiful things, but spends most of his time in a retail store, barely making ends meet? Someone with brilliant ideas for a new career but with "no idea how to start?" This situation wherein someone brilliant and talented with large amounts of goodness to offer the world ends up settling for less out of fear, ignorance, brain-washing, abuse, lethargy, misplaced priorities, or whatever — is something most of us have been witness to.
Often people do not acknowledge their own value, nor do they realize that to truly appreciate said value, is to develop it, risk with it, devote time to it, and definitely not to squeeze it in after an unhappy or ho-hum 9-to-5 grind. Again, what occurs because of this consistent lack of perceiving our own value, is a world filled with people with huge wells of talent and true-callings and idea-people and big-thinkers who wander around our planet moving boxes and settling for being locked in cubicles. These are the same big-thinkers and talented artists who can influence large bodies of people. If Beyonce said "Hey, I support the 1% for The Planet movement, it’s one way I’m an independent woman." Then so would a good chunk of the audience at her concerts. That’s the only work she needs to do at this point. However, she did not start out with that kind of power, she developed it. She kept giving and offering and letting go of worry, as she continued her singing. She has developed her value and launched her career and now she can influences massive amounts of people. You probably know musicians who have similar value potential, but are currently taking half-assed steps towards using it.
Do you value yourself?
Its usually not too difficult to look at other people and notice that they might not be living up to their potential, and its often less apparent for us to notice our own potential (possibly because we’re often focused on everyone around us instead,) or if we do notice, sometimes we live in denial for awhile.
"It is easy to pick fault with other people. In fact, often we gain a subtle enjoyment from highlighting the faults of others. If we are truly honest, however, we will see that when we criticize other people we actually have the very same weakness ourselves. Perhaps we may not make this mistake quite as frequently or as badly, but we still share it to some extent." – Tejvan Pettinger, PickTheBrain.com
Sometimes we just hold a very limited perspective. We may have feelings of inferiority eg: ”Other people can sing, live healthy, and make money…why can’t I?” and feelings of inadequacy eg: ”I have no talents…look at so-and-so, she’s just so talented, but I can’t do anything.” and feelings of worthlessness eg: "’Nothing I do really matters, so why try?” These things aren’t true; you’d be hard-pressed to find someone in the world who had little or nothing to offer, whether obvious or hidden. Stephen Hawking, crippled in body and indirectly voiceless from Motor Neurone Disease (or Lou Gherig’s disease?) kept up with the world of quantum physics and finished an amazing literary work. Nick Vujicic (of lifewithoutlimbs.com) leads an inspiring successful happy life, despite being born limbless. Even people who at first glance may seem powerless, have great springs of talent hidden within.
"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes the only way out of this mindset of low-worth, is faith. Faith in ourselves and our abilities, faith in our friends and family and support systems, or faith in angels or spirit guides or a higher power. If it helps you to use a different word than ‘faith’ which some people find to have too many religious connotations for them to appreciate, we’ll substitute the word ‘confidence.’ They are basically the same thing, regardless of what dictionaries may say. Confidence is knowing, deep-down, somehow that something is true. Confidence in oneself is having faith in one’s own abilities, confidence in one’s friends, is having faith in those friends to deliver. Confidence that "everything will work out for the best," or that one "has a special purpose here on earth," is faith in a higher power.
If we’re not focused too much on others, and we don’t have a very limited perspective, sometimes we’re just afraid. We don’t want people to think/see/say such-and-such about us, so we don’t do anything, in fear we stagnate.
"What’s holding us back? Ultimately, it’s fear. It’s almost always fear. Fear is the number one reason why people stay in their safety zones. It’s why people don’t start new businesses. It’s why people stop looking for love. But what are we afraid of?" – Susan Baroncini-Moe, Lifehack.org
If we stagnate in fear like an artist who hides all his work in his basement shying from criticism, then until it is out in the world, adorning walls or being viewed as often as possible, we’re hiding our talents and under-valuing ourselves.
Here’s a youtube video by Paul Evans on Value.
The case he is looking at is the case of someone who thinks they have very little skill. They have some though. They can make a simple youtube video or maybe a blog, and in his example, they don’t value this ability or use it. He has an interesting model of how people tend to look at value, and compare themselves to other people they deem as "high-value" people, it also analyzes things society tends to de-value and dismiss as not valuable. When we see the people who are executing their skills and talents as a very very high level, we can often downplay our own abilities, thinking "Hey, my skills are nowhere near as good as that guys," but there are tons of people in the world, who know nothing, and need tons of help, that the high-level guys won’t even bother with. There is nothing bad or wrong in offering to help those people who are behind you in certain skillsets, and there’s nothing wrong with learning from the people who are ahead of you in certain skillsets. Whatever the case, there is value to be demonstrated.
Valuing others
How do we value other people?
"The first step in the evolution of ethics is a sense of solidarity with other human beings." – Albert Schweitzer
Its important to love and value yourself before you do anyone else. If you feel yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you because they will want to be around someone who loves themself and feels joyous about their own life and existence.
Its recommended to genuinely be interested in people. Make eye contact with them when they speak to you, listen to what they tell you. Listen, by focusing and clearing your mind and try to feel their feelings. Avoid keeping an inner monologue or planning what to say next or your next conversational move. Sympathize with them when they share their problems with you. Make it a priority that their words matter to you, and help them believe it.
People enjoy being with people who are fun to be around. It will be impossible for them not to be attracted to you when they see you have a good sense of humor and a positive outlook, and eventually you will attract amazing and helpful people into your life.
Act kindly towards others; an unexpected gift, will empower both you and them.
If you find yourself being upset or miserable make a point of changing how you feel. The most helpful people you can meet may easily shy away from being around miserable people.
If you can take time to work on yourself, you will automatically being valuing others. If you give yourself goals such as being extremely attentive, extra generous, super-positive, etc., then you will express those qualities to others, and naturally and habitually leave them feeling valued and appreciated.
The long and short of it…
Basically, what I’d love to encourage, is for all of you to truly value yourself and others. Value yourself, and in doing so, you will understand and be aware of value, and it will then allow you to truly value others.
And hey, if there’s anyone you feel would benefit from a little public valuing or linkage here, feel free to mention them in the comments 
All Is Creative: Learn New Skills, Embrace Personal Growth.
So you’ve always wanted to learn guitar, but never took the steps. or your friends have been trying to get you into rock-climbing or yoga and you’re interested but never quite make the jump for whatever reason. or perhaps you wanna do something subtler like break through shyness of some kind or just initiate conversation with strangers more.
many of us have been there: sitting with all kinds of hopes, dreams, interests and desires, all remaining unfulfilled for whatever reason. It is important to note, that this is a choice, and it is changeable.
much of what i teach touches on child-like characteristics or behaviours we may have abandoned since childhood, and for good reason. it is true their are certain childish ways to be done away with, but it is generally not prudent to throw the ‘baby out with the bathwater’ ( unless of course the baby is being annoying and crying and stuff and the bathwater is filthy ) — children are at home with themselves, and ready to learn just about anything they truly desire to learn. the lesson to remember here, is do not let your fears stop you from learning a ‘new’ skill.
what are some common fears? “i won’t ‘get it’ or be good enough,” “if i fail i’ll look foolish or stupid and others will make fun of me,” “this will be a waste of my time or ‘nothing’ will come of it.”
i believe my father felt this way towards public speaking some time ago, and since then he’s been a teacher, a lecturer, and he is still asked to speak in all kinds of venues and is lauded for his connected and powerful communications and teachings.
have you ever felt this way? i have. i felt this way about dancing for a long time, when it came down to it, i was afraid of looking foolish and not being good enough (had a bit of a perfectionist streak at the time.) now, some years later, i am fine with it, and simply choose not to engage in it very often. usually its on the street or in my house, and sure i could stand to learn some actual techniques like ballroom or salsa — and i will, when the time is right. when i am not putting so much energy and focus into my creativity and art and this blog. that is my main drive and desire lately, and that is really what should guide one towards learning new skills: not fears pushing you away from things, but allowing your desires to drive you past/through the fear you may feel.
i won’t ‘get it’ or be good enough:
sometimes we are naturally gifted with an innate talent for a certain skill, and sometimes the one’s that do not come easy are dismissed with phrases like the one above. thoughts like that are self-judging and essentially predicting the future. 
i might fail and look foolish:
first of all, yes, you *might* fail in an endeavour, but its just as possible that you *might not.* anything could happen, a stranger could swoop in and help, an undiscovered/unknown talent could flourish, or you could end up being waaaaay better than you were when you last tried it, simply because you’ve grown and become a different person.
secondly, if you’re surrounded by people who judge someone harshly as they are in the process of learning and growing, perhaps take that as a wonderful wake up call to learn-in-front-of / associate with a different crowd…
thirdly, look at anyone who is considered ‘good’ at a certain thing, they have almost certainly failed once, and likely many times, as they practiced and developed it. awesome guitar players have generally missed fingerings more than we know. great artists tend to have tons of junk sketches, old works, and tossed away doodles. athletes almost always end up injuring themselves in pursuit of their craft.
trying will be a waste of time:
for most of my teens and early 20s, i believed that “renting was a waste of time” and that “bothering to rent was like throwing away money.”
how did i end up renting then? i just tried it.
when i made that decision, i was spending 10 hour work days in hard, physical labour at a warehouse across town. i spent 2.5 hours getting there and 2.5 hours getting back home for a total of 15 hour work days, and that’s only if work didn’t end up going late. i just barely made time for my girlfriend and family and friends at the time, which is fine but it was often by sacrificing food, sleep, or… dare i say it… showers i was prone to getting sick, i was pretty miserable, and life was telling me rather strongly that the situation had to change.
so i took some of my paycheck and rented a place closer to work. i chose to engage in the action i had previously judged as a waste of time.
not only did renting close to work relieve tons of burden from me time & travel wise, it taught me a ton of things about living on my own, gave me more self-confidence and self-reliance, and opened up cooking as an artform when i realized i was responsible for my own groceries + recipes with the resources around me. learning these valuable things has helped me realize the strong force in life i always have been, but chose not to acknowledge. a few hundred a month for rent in trade for priceless self-discovery and realization of who i really am? that deal is a no-brainer when i look back on it. during the time though i fought it tooth and nail, remaining miserable for as long as i could manage. hah
it was not necessary for me to take the route i did, there are easier ways. my desire is for others to benefit from the easier ways, heed my words, and embrace things sooner, rather than later – you may find it most certainly was anything but a waste of time.
so, am i practicing what i preach?
some people realize their full worth from the beautiful near-perfection reached from specializing in one thing, some are more jack of all trades-types. the latter are often considered ‘master of none’ but we can look to leonardo da vinci’s renaissance-man skill-set and note his high degree of competency. for myself, my range of talents are broad, growing, and i intend for that to continue throughout my life.
recently i’ve taken steps towards improving my martial arts/sparring/body awareness with my brother drew — which if i’d never tried, i’d never have realized i have a strong natural aptitude for and it feels great.
i’ve also been getting into creating DJ sets with my brother nick, combining my tremendous taste and broad library with the flare for composing and blending things into a unified work — which is an awesome art in its own right.
on the horizon i’m hoping to create my own music as well, and who knows what doors that will open.
i’m also learning tons about creativity (and i intend to help others do the same,) the web, and ‘business.’
anyone have anything to contribute? a story? a wish? a “j i hate you and your articles?”
what do you want to learn?
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