Posts Tagged "Relationships"
Transforming Destructive Relationships – It’s Improv
So, I can change people by believing in them, right?
We-ell, yes and no.
This is one of life’s most misunderstood behaviours. There’s one view which says ‘people don’t change’, and there’s another view that says anyone can change, at any moment. So how do we sort out all these conflicting views?
Changing With Others
The way it works is that you change yourself, whenever you’re ready, and then all the people swirling around you have an opportunity to roll with that change, or hate on it. It’s kind of like improv.
In improv, the rule is "yes-and" (and not "no-but"), you affirm and add to whatever the other person is offering. So if we take two people building an improv sketch about meeting at a bus stop, it might look something like this:
Read MoreThe Art Of Yin And Yang In Life
The east has long known about yin and yang. These concepts factor into a lot of their culture. In the West, there is not as much appreciation or understanding of the two polarities. The basics of Yin and Yang are that each is an essential polarity or aspect of the universe, each balances the other and each somehow contains a hint of the other. Yin for example, is understood to be feminine or dark or shadow or energy. Yang is understood to be masculine, light and direction. Yin is like an energy of being or existing, like a still kind of passive energy. And yang is an energy of movement and action and doing..
The polarities of life; they go on forever. They cascade. Some people only focus on tiny detail polarity, like, an artist putting a finishing touch on his painting. Or, a girl choosing a specific word to get their point across or connect.
They might choose just a tiny subtle and soft yin finish. Or they might choose a harsh, yang slash of colour, but, whatever they choose, there still is a greater polarity above. That of their own nature. Like, are they a soft gentle creative type or are they a harsh aggressive dominating type? And even that is subjective. Whichever they are, they can still use certain words of a different polarity or paint in a different way. And then, we can look at the company they work for or the career they’ve chosen. Are they a perfect complement to their employer? Perhaps they worked for a big mover and shaker company. And they consider themselves aggressive and yang but are they actually compared to the real spirit of the company they work for? Everything is relative. What seems harsh to one person is completely normal to another. What seems yin, soft or feminine to one might in another situation or relationship seem the exact opposite. It all depends, on what we are comparing. Knowing this, if a person feels their nature is more feminine, when placed in a quiet village of feminine women,
they might actually seem directed, ambitious and masculine.
And so we can see the polarities stack or cascade or grow. And then, we can look at the company they’re working for, and it’s place in the city it’s located in. First, we looked at individual creations in regards to yin and yang; then we looked at the individual them-self, then we looked at the company that individual works for. Even bigger than that we can look at the city the company is located in. Maybe, it’s a massive dominating company in hawaii, which is a pretty chilled out place. But if you were to transplant that business to New York, where everyone has a huge dominating company in a very driven and ambitious and go-go-go environment, it might appear as a subtle smaller toned down enterprise. The polarity of the city alters all the polarity energies of the people and things in the city. If the city is Yang, things inside look different, if a thing is Yin, it will feel different (in how it’s perceived, again,everything is subjective).
So really it’s all play. It’s fun sometimes to talk about when the polarity of one’s words or actions or one’s nature but in the end it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is what’s right at the present moment. I think i’m going to end this in a subtle yin way. We’re done.
Read MoreThe Art Of Polarity-Balanced Relationships
First thing, a couple definitions:
Relationship: To me, relationships are kind of like tools for the personal growth of all parties involved, and to help the world. They aren’t for simple physical gratification, they aren’t to "fill an emptiness inside", and they aren’t to "kill time." — Certainly they can be used for these things, but it’s like using a hammer to bludgeon someone with; bludgeoning isn’t exactly what the hammer was designed for.
Polarity: The balance of energies, attitudes, and physicalities in relationships, kind of like Yin and Yang. Everybody is behaving a certain way at a certain time, and the way they are behaving can be referred to as the ‘energy’ they are animating. They may be behaving upbeat, happy, sad, firm, understanding, emotional, rational, etc.
Okay, with those definitions out of the way, we can proceed 
They have polarity because they balance each other and bring a lot of value into each other’s lives.
Introduction to polarity.
I love starting my posts with a question, and I often do. Today I have a question in mind that hopefully the majority of my readers haven’t until now asked or entertained for themselves. So my question for now is: have you ever observed 2 people of the same energy-level express themselves together for prolonged periods of time?
Do you often see two super-hyper-crazy-energetic people together for extended periods? How about two extremely depressed and suicidal people?
Or two aggressive, assertive, dominant people? Or passive submissive ones?
I’m willing to bet that if you have seen this occur, it hasn’t been very often or for a prolonged period of time.
Some way or another, life will separate these people. Whether they drift apart, become bored with one another, or blow up in a fight… they’ll generally be separated through the (what appears to be) ‘circumstances’ of life.
Of course people aren’t always behaving exactly the same at all times, but they tend to have natural leanings + common behaviours which suit them. A logical person can of course be understanding and emotionally supportive. An emotional person can open their mind and listen to practicality at times if needed. Often though, people want to be what feels natural to them inside, and to deviate from that too much can feel… less-than-pleasant.
This phenomenon is observable, and it affects relationships quite heavily. It’s a powerful factor behind the phrase ‘opposites attract’, it may be related to why heterosexual relationships are so common, or perhaps it’s tied-in to how homosexual relationships often have a more ‘butch’ or ‘dominant’ partner and a less-dominant one.
This can apply to any kind of relationship: business, romantic, friendship, etc. For purposes of this article though, I’ll use the relatively common vehicle of a romantic relationship.
Life generally doesn’t need two people of identical behaviours, attitudes, and energy-signatures in close proximity in a prolonged relationship, as this generally doesn’t serve either party well. How much can we really learn from the experience of interacting always with duplicates of ourselves? There are always exceptions though, and I’d love to hear about them if you can cite them, but in my experience, they’re quite rare.
I often hear woman say they want a man with "drive, ambition, goals, confidence, and leadership."
I often hear men say they want a woman "who’s open, drama-less, trusting, sensual/sexual, playful, flowing, etc."
Or even more common, women want a "tall" guy (they usually mean "noticeably taller than me" by this description) and guys don’t really seek to be with women who tower over them either. It happens, yes, but rarely for a long time nor is it super-joyous (and, to the exceptions, I commend you.) It’s common to attract and be attracted to one’s physical complement.
Also, you may find it quite common for a person with a primarily masculine energy to enjoy a long-term relationship with a person with primarily feminine energy, and vice-versa.
They have good polarity because they balance each other, and bring a lot of value into each other’s lives.
Generally, one type of person / energy, is strongly tied to all others around.
Polarity is constantly shifting.
An interesting thing to observe as well, is how these things are dynamic and can change in situations.
For example, if two people are in fact high-energy, loud and boisterous, and want a life-long friendship or relationship, you may notice one of them "tone-it-down" and the other one "take-the-point" in social situations or just between the two of them, because it feels natural to do so, they might not even notice or be able to explain it.
Similar behaviour can be seen in a dominant career-woman, coming home to her partner. She may enjoy the energy of him taking the lead, being dominant, (in bed or otherwise,) when they connect after a day of work. Both of them animating that dominant/aggressive/competitive energy at the same time in the same space can be seen to result in discord and tension.
Generally, one type of person / energy, is strongly tied-to all others around them. What they are like, affects what you are like, and vice-versa. This seems like a great rule of thumb, at the very least, so I’m going to call this a ‘law’ for now.
So the idea of a relationship using this law, would be to have someone around who let you be what you naturally wish to be. If you wish to be playful, relaxed, go-with-the-flow and carefree — then be with someone who is themselves, naturally otherwise. Someone who is naturally directed, passionate, visionary, and driven. The idea is to become clear on what, deep-down, feels really good to *you* and then to attract a relationship that opens up space, time, and energy to help allow you to BE that.
If deep-down you want to be free and not-tied-down, then attract a very open-minded, go-with-the-flow partner, who thrives on spontaneous and natural direction provided/suggested by others and is rarely limited by cultural and social norms.
If deep-down you want to be very sexual, sensual, body-oriented, attract a partner who loves to see this expressed and brings it out in you, and leaves space for you to do so.
If deep-down you want to be healthy, fit, and active, attract somebody who naturally gives you plenty of opportunities and invitations to do and be that. Attract a healer, an outdoors-person, a fitness-guru, a yoga-instructor.
Do what is mutually beneficial for all parties, raises and lifts everyone up, and by doing so makes the world that much better.
On the flip-side, if you’re already extremely fit, perhaps consider being around someone who can benefit from your natural tendencies and attitude, and who will help you to be something *else* you in-your-heart would love to be. Someone who might not be quite as healthy, but who you can tell that they’d love to be so, and that they’d really shine even more with you in their life.
Applying polarity
By applying this law, and becoming clear on the kind of person who will help you be who you truly want to be, you’re able to attract them easier and faster. If you know you want someone fit, you can make sure to not waste time on people who are not naturally engaged in that. If you want someone funny and witty, you can have your mind/sub-conscious pay attention to them out of habit or remove yourself from boring company towards someone more in line with your desires.
If there is something you’d like to see in your partner, applying the law, it might be best to be focusing on yourself and what changes you can make in your own energy, attitudes, and behaviour that encourage and allow space for that in your partner — or to realize that that is just not a natural trait in your partner, and perhaps they are not the match that will truly let you be what you wish to be.
Some people say relationships are about giving of yourself to others, and they are. Others say do what makes you happy and forget everyone else, which has it’s place as well. I say do what is mutually beneficial for all parties, raises and lifts everyone up, and by doing so makes the world that much better. Would we not all like to see a bunch of happy, connected people helping each other kick ass at life?
All Is Creative: Social Circles Can Make Your Head Spin.
Today i want to talk about the powerful effect social circles can have on creativity. all our interactions with the people in our lives are actually us exercising our own creativity as well as being exposed to theirs. the actions and re-actions we all choose determine our social circles. there are many cliches that come from this such as “you are only as good as the company you keep” or you’ve been “hanging out with the wrong crowd.” what these statements are attempting to summarize, is that the people around you are a reflection of yourself and your growth and your current state of being from moment to moment. perhaps you’ve noticed how big life changes can often change the crowd you hang around with.
“John wasn’t sure exactly how it happened, but he and his high school buddies had drifted apart.”
“Jade was so glad to be out of that relationship, it was really stifling her, but she lost all their mutual friends.”
“Jason wasn’t upset about the others reactions because he knew he was on to bigger and better things.”
Have you ever drifted away from friends or had them drift away from you? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship and left it, or been ejected out of it? Ever seen argument or a fight with friends turn out to be for the best?
So how does all this rhetoric relate to creativity?
NEW-NESS
When most people encounter the word ‘creative’ they generally envision a form of one or more of the following:
-a new process
-a new result
-a new innovation
-a new experience or feeling
-something original
-something unique
-something personal
the common theme here is a ‘new-ness’ of some kind, and what that means exactly may be another article entirely. what i’d like to focus on today is how new people and new social circles can affect one’s own creativity.
Read MoreNo- No- No Limits.
Lately my awareness of purpose has been getting stronger and stronger, and I’ve been doing a ton of work behind the scenes, in order to broaden the world’s creativity. It’s gonna rock.
Broadening the world’s creativity means pushing boundaries and limits.
Every time we impose a limit or label on ourselves, things such as “I’m just not very athletic” or “I hate all dogs” or “I only like big boobs, period” (yes, a substantial rack can certainly be extra-ordinarily appealing for many but its quite a limiting to restrict someone to only that outcome) — it sounds like these things can either be defining characteristics of who we really are (and they can), more often though, they’re tricks and illusions of our uncontrolled thoughts minds, which end up holding us back in life.
A long, long time ago dated a girl who stead-fastly considered herself to be a terrible communicator, and I could feel that particular belief came from her family-life, friends, and upbringing. At the time I foolishly thought my personal communication strengths could more than make up for it, but I was dreaming — you can never decide an outcome for another person against their own personal preference, and I just became frustrated trying. During the time that this was going on, interestingly, I limited myself to a ‘gentle, respectful, nice guy who can tolerate anything‘ (read: a pussy,) when I knew deep down I was a powerful creator, a leader, and a dominant personality who didn’t feel good encouraging in his life fearful people who consistently choose to settle for their own perceived limits. I was doing just that though, by accepting my own.
When I finally awoke to these things about her, and subsequently myself, I immediately made the choice to change my limits. I acknowledged my own value and the characteristics that keep me passionate and alive. I know who I am and what I want and how I wish to create myself in this moment and the next (and there is no ‘I’ but that’s merely semantics).
If there are self-imposed limits, that deep down we’d like to change, steps can be taken. The key step is to Get Happy and Do What Feels Good ASAP.
If you wanted to be more athletic for example, a small step might be to just go watch some light-hearted sports. Or maybe you decide to go for a walk a few times for a few weeks. These steps are not difficult for most people, a good portion of people claiming to be ‘non-athletics’ are capable of, and actually enjoy, walking, and you might be surprised how much your energy level, metabolism and desire for activity increase.
Let’s try another example: “I don’t like dogs” you might claim. But now, would it kill you to ask after, seek out, or at least keep an eye open in life for the smallest, cutest, nicest dog around, even on TV — perhaps a completely new-born dog with no teeth… and see how you feel about *that* particular dog? Not so bad, I’d imagine. Then your limit has grown to: “I hate dogs, except those adorably hairless, harmless, and innocent newborn ones.” and that’s a great step, eventually you can get to appreciating toddler dogs, and so on.
The last one in our list had to do with breasts (mm, breasts…). You could try an affirmation, a very simple start. "Everyone is beautiful", by acknowledging this you’ve already opened up the possibility for some human being somewhere to be attractive to you who may otherwise not have been.
It’s understandable that everyone has preferences, but it might be rewarding to acknowledge where our preferences come from. Are they from childhood scars, traumas or misguided attachments? Is their source the media and our often blindly accepted society-driven beliefs? Or is a particular preference of ours an individual defining characteristic of our true selves, or a combination of all? If we have an awareness of where they come from, we can better decide if a particular preference suits us, and we can break our own established limits.
Well, how can I tell if something is a self-imposed limit or part of my purpose in life? you may be thinking. You can tell if a trait feels good to you. Does it help you enjoy who you are and help you shine in life, creating value for others? Are you able to do well because of the trait, and help others grow through it? These are questions to ask yourself, to meditate on or pray about or research or take a class on, or however you find you learn the best.
If even that proves difficult, then it is very likely you have not yet discovered your true purpose.
I know this brief ramble on limits has touched at least one of you, and for that, I am grateful.
Love to hear how you feel about this in the comments!
Read More
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