First thing, a couple definitions:

Relationship: To me, relationships are kind of like tools for the personal growth of all parties involved, and to help the world. They aren’t for simple physical gratification, they aren’t to "fill an emptiness inside", and they aren’t to "kill time." — Certainly they can be used for these things, but it’s like using a hammer to bludgeon someone with; bludgeoning isn’t exactly what the hammer was designed for.

Polarity: The balance of energies, attitudes, and physicalities in relationships, kind of like Yin and Yang. Everybody is behaving a certain way at a certain time, and the way they are behaving can be referred to as the ‘energy’ they are animating. They may be behaving upbeat, happy, sad, firm, understanding, emotional, rational, etc.

Okay, with those definitions out of the way, we can proceed

They have polarity because they balance each other and bring a lot of value into each other’s lives.

Introduction to polarity.

I love starting my posts with a question, and I often do. Today I have a question in mind that hopefully the majority of my readers haven’t until now asked or entertained for themselves. So my question for now is: have you ever observed 2 people of the same energy-level express themselves together for prolonged periods of time?

Do you often see two super-hyper-crazy-energetic people together for extended periods? How about two extremely depressed and suicidal people?
Or two aggressive, assertive, dominant people? Or passive submissive ones?

I’m willing to bet that if you have seen this occur, it hasn’t been very often or for a prolonged period of time.

Some way or another, life will separate these people. Whether they drift apart, become bored with one another, or blow up in a fight… they’ll generally be separated through the (what appears to be) ‘circumstances’ of life.

Of course people aren’t always behaving exactly the same at all times, but they tend to have natural leanings + common behaviours which suit them. A logical person can of course be understanding and emotionally supportive. An emotional person can open their mind and listen to practicality at times if needed. Often though, people want to be what feels natural to them inside, and to deviate from that too much can feel… less-than-pleasant.

This phenomenon is observable, and it affects relationships quite heavily. It’s a powerful factor behind the phrase ‘opposites attract’, it may be related to why heterosexual relationships are so common, or perhaps it’s tied-in to how homosexual relationships often have a more ‘butch’ or ‘dominant’ partner and a less-dominant one.

This can apply to any kind of relationship: business, romantic, friendship, etc. For purposes of this article though, I’ll use the relatively common vehicle of a romantic relationship.

Life generally doesn’t need two people of identical behaviours, attitudes, and energy-signatures in close proximity in a prolonged relationship, as this generally doesn’t serve either party well. How much can we really learn from the experience of interacting always with duplicates of ourselves? There are always exceptions though, and I’d love to hear about them if you can cite them, but in my experience, they’re quite rare.

I often hear woman say they want a man with "drive, ambition, goals, confidence, and leadership."

I often hear men say they want a woman "who’s open, drama-less, trusting, sensual/sexual, playful, flowing, etc."

Or even more common, women want a "tall" guy (they usually mean "noticeably taller than me" by this description) and guys don’t really seek to be with women who tower over them either. It happens, yes, but rarely for a long time nor is it super-joyous (and, to the exceptions, I commend you.) It’s common to attract and be attracted to one’s physical complement.

Also, you may find it quite common for a person with a primarily masculine energy to enjoy a long-term relationship with a person with primarily feminine energy, and vice-versa.

They have good polarity because they balance each other, and bring a lot of value into each other’s lives.

Generally, one type of person / energy, is strongly tied to all others around.

Polarity is constantly shifting.

An interesting thing to observe as well, is how these things are dynamic and can change in situations.

For example, if two people are in fact high-energy, loud and boisterous, and want a life-long friendship or relationship, you may notice one of them "tone-it-down" and the other one "take-the-point" in social situations or just between the two of them, because it feels natural to do so, they might not even notice or be able to explain it.

Similar behaviour can be seen in a dominant career-woman, coming home to her partner. She may enjoy the energy of him taking the lead, being dominant, (in bed or otherwise,) when they connect after a day of work. Both of them animating that dominant/aggressive/competitive energy at the same time in the same space can be seen to result in discord and tension.

Generally, one type of person / energy, is strongly tied-to all others around them. What they are like, affects what you are like, and vice-versa. This seems like a great rule of thumb, at the very least, so I’m going to call this a ‘law’ for now.

So the idea of a relationship using this law, would be to have someone around who let you be what you naturally wish to be. If you wish to be playful, relaxed, go-with-the-flow and carefree — then be with someone who is themselves, naturally otherwise. Someone who is naturally directed, passionate, visionary, and driven. The idea is to become clear on what, deep-down, feels really good to *you* and then to attract a relationship that opens up space, time, and energy to help allow you to BE that.

If deep-down you want to be free and not-tied-down, then attract a very open-minded, go-with-the-flow partner, who thrives on spontaneous and natural direction provided/suggested by others and is rarely limited by cultural and social norms.

If deep-down you want to be very sexual, sensual, body-oriented, attract a partner who loves to see this expressed and brings it out in you, and leaves space for you to do so.

If deep-down you want to be healthy, fit, and active, attract somebody who naturally gives you plenty of opportunities and invitations to do and be that. Attract a healer, an outdoors-person, a fitness-guru, a yoga-instructor.

Do what is mutually beneficial for all parties, raises and lifts everyone up, and by doing so makes the world that much better.

On the flip-side, if you’re already extremely fit, perhaps consider being around someone who can benefit from your natural tendencies and attitude, and who will help you to be something *else* you in-your-heart would love to be. Someone who might not be quite as healthy, but who you can tell that they’d love to be so, and that they’d really shine even more with you in their life.

Applying polarity

By applying this law, and becoming clear on the kind of person who will help you be who you truly want to be, you’re able to attract them easier and faster. If you know you want someone fit, you can make sure to not waste time on people who are not naturally engaged in that. If you want someone funny and witty, you can have your mind/sub-conscious pay attention to them out of habit or remove yourself from boring company towards someone more in line with your desires.

If there is something you’d like to see in your partner, applying the law, it might be best to be focusing on yourself and what changes you can make in your own energy, attitudes, and behaviour that encourage and allow space for that in your partner — or to realize that that is just not a natural trait in your partner, and perhaps they are not the match that will truly let you be what you wish to be.

Some people say relationships are about giving of yourself to others, and they are. Others say do what makes you happy and forget everyone else, which has it’s place as well. I say do what is mutually beneficial for all parties, raises and lifts everyone up, and by doing so makes the world that much better. Would we not all like to see a bunch of happy, connected people helping each other kick ass at life?