Is Your Child Gonna Die?

Is Your Child Gonna Die?

Yes, yes, they are.

At least, eventually. It seems pretty reliable that death comes to everyone.

But will your child die in the next week? I can almost guarantee not.

(Note: For those of you who happen to have a friend/child/relative precariously close to death, I’d really love it if you chose to take whatever good you can from this article, and not pick on rhetoric, humour, or poor phrasing )

Will you be killing your child if you support their dreams?

Again, I’m thinking not.

And yet, this is super-common thinking for many parents. They’ve bought into the myth that if they don’t personally hand-direct every choice their child makes, (as they may have for much of the child’s life) then their child is going to turn into a waste, or not contribute or… die.

A little thought-management is in order. You can engage in thinking that is filled with fear, worry, and concern, or you can think things that say "My child is strong, powerful, a bold kid." Why are people thinking the former so often?

The thing is, parents are people too, and they often get a bad rap. They’re caring, they’re dedicated, and they sincerely want to help.

They have one of the biggest impacts on their children’s lives. Friends, workplaces and backgrounds change all the time but there are always parents that are influencing us in one way or another. It’s really easy for kids to blame parents for their disappointments or lack of success or being held back. It feels shitty, to the parents and the kids.

Our parents are awesome people who’ve invested in another human life, and you can’t really blame them for reacting strongly when their kid is sleeping in till 1pm and playing video games all day, when all they truly desire for their child is for them to get off your ass and make some changes in their lives. That’s right, changes.

(Of course, sometimes when the child gets the guts to make big changes, parents don’t always handle it so well )

Parents truly have the best intentions with every action. They don’t nag because it makes them feel good. They nag because they have run out of ways to help you change, except for kicking you out, and nagging feels a LOT easier then taking THAT step. They feel like their kid is wasting away and that they’re supporting it and making it happen. They’ve been supporting a child for years and I bet they’ve been looking forward to a break. So when you’re 25, still living at home and they’re still, still, still waiting for a break, I can understand why they’d start to get worried and stressed.

Imagine you’ve spent 22 years raising your little rug rat and you’ve given him awesome guidance, tool and support and will continue to do so no matter what. Here’s where it gets tricky. Your lovely son or daughter is still at home at 22 and not doing a whole lot with their life. You would love to see them out there in world making money, contributing to the world and being the fantastic person you raised them to be. It’s tough though, when they’ve been ‘half-finishing’ the same things for 22 years now, and you’re ready for a change but its not happening. From society, conditioning and our friends, parents default to just nagging kids into change or trying to coax or bribe them into doing something, ANYTHING.

There’s another way. Let them go. Drop the nagging, and drop whatever else is bothering you. If keeping them around the house with their half-finished projects feels bad to you, stop it. Tell them how much you believe in them. How you see so much potential in them. Not only that but tell them how you are really feeling. If you’ve never communicated deep feelings with your kids before, person-to-person, this may feel awkward, but sharing feelings is a natural human action.

Maybe you feel like you’re supporting their laziness and lack of action, but you can choose to support them in many different ways. You don’t have to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Perhaps you can offer to pay first and last months rent for them, or give them financial support. You can support them with time and an impending deadline by saying “I love you and will help you in anyway I can but it’s time for you to spread your wings," or you could withdraw all other support but brainstorm ideas, contacts, and connections to help them with their plan, vision, purpose, or project. And these are just tip of the iceberg!

Anyway, we had huge response to our Does Your Family Love You? post from a child’s perspective, here’s the follow up from a parent’s perspective.

Enjoy