How Many People Have You Slept With?

A provocative title, the question "How many people have you slept with?" is a lot more common today than it was in my parents or grand-parents generation. It’s just a question, it doesn’t hurt, but it does get people thinking.

Our society has evolved to the point where a string of sex-partners is almost status quo. It’s not uncommon for our generation to have sex with 5 or 10 partners.

Does this matter? How?

David Deida released 3 new audio clips from his seminars, and the latter two focused on the results that come from multiple sex partners.

Deida on Gum-Chewing Sex [Opens in new windows]
Deida on What Attracts Him? [Opens in new windows]

We’ll take a look at this, hopefully open some minds, touch a few hearts, and arrive at a deeper understanding (or y’know, giggle and blush like school girls.)

See if this makes sense to you: If you go out on a date with a guy, and you know in your soul he doesn’t match you and is not a fit for you, then maybe you go anyway, enjoy the date and dinner, maybe even a chaste kiss (and he probably swoons, right?) … and you go home and you feel good. You feel happy, content, and glad for the date.

This feeling sends messages and permeates all your cells, it alters your mood and your mind and body. The men you meet the next day can and will feel this. They will notice that you are not yearning for them. Your yearning, your desire, your energy is diluted. Basically, by settling for the "ok" date, you content yourself in the short-term, in trade for toning-down your own yearning desire and attractiveness to a man who truly suits you.

The same goes for casual sex. Deida refers to it as ‘Chewing Gum’ sex, superficially aiming for flavour and fun, but not exactly enjoying ‘nutrition’. There’s lots of times where it’s a great thing to do, but there is very little heart and soul in it. And each time you’re chewing gum, you’re not satisfying your body with ‘real food.’

Multiple partners heal your needs and tide you over, sure, but they dilute your true yearning.

Men love beauty, they really, really do. Not just physical beauty, they are extremely sensitive to the energy of beauty.

A man who’s making love to a physically beautiful woman who chooses to think about what she’s going to buy at the store, or who is worrying about her job or kids, is not nearly as attentive and present as a man who’s making love to a beautiful woman who is thinking thoughts of devotion, passion, pleasure and connection to love. Thoughts are a major factor.

Men are not often given credit for their sensitivity, but through nature they’ve evolved an exquisite sensitivty to energy. They can immediately sense a woman’s energy, it’s state and it’s expression. It’s why men so often gravitate towards the physical beauty of a woman. It’s because it’s sometimes they’ve not learned how to tell a fake facade of physical beauty from true physical beauty as a manifestation of inner-beauty. The energy masculine pulled towards doesn’t have to be society-defined ‘hotness’, but ‘hotness’ is generally a reflection of healthy energy. So if you’re not using your body to express your energy, you’re holding your own attractive power.

Have you ever heard the concept that in order to be beautiful, we should think beautiful?

Audrey Hepburn phrases it:

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone."

There’s a book called Mind Beauty Connection by Amy Weschler (youtube promo) which focuses on this.

The reason this applies, is beacuse thoughts are energy. Managing your thoughts is managing your energy. Aaaand energy and thought are expressed through action and the body. Not settling for chewing-gum dates, hones and focuses your energy and the men you walk by daily can feel it. Some of them are ballsy, driven, purposeful men who are ready to stop what they’re doing and pursue a woman, if he feels it.

So let’s say you want to hook up a girlfriend of yours with a guy you know, and you say "This girl I know, she’s so intelligent, personable, kind…" the man will bristle almost immediately, because that is NOT what he’s interested in. He’s not interested in a self-sufficient, conscious, intelligent woman first — that might be nice, but primarily, he’s interested in her radiant energy. Is she a smiling, light to the world. This is the key criteria, and to focus on those other qualities qualities, it’s like screaming "This girl doesn’t have what you want, you’re better off alone." Men desire certain qualities/scales of expressed energy. Radiance, beauty, submissiveness, and exquisitely managed emotion. Deida compares it to water. Water is soft, inviting, and completely unresistant. It’s ready to open and accept any shape you submerge in it. As well, it can be strong, violent, and could easily crush him. A woman who chooses to open and accept the with every breath, every movement and every thought, is powerfully attractive.

Men desire a passionate, vibrant, radiant hit of energy. Period. They already have easy access to consciousness, attention, and drive.

Women, Love Yourselves:

"Attract a deeply passionate man by managing your feelings, not settling for chewing gum experiences, and thinking beautiful thoughts."

Does a whole bunch of casual partners similarly affect guys? In a word, yes.

If a man is looking for fun and nothing deep or too-connected, then chewing gum sex is a great choice. Perhaps one day though he decides it’s not enough and he desires more passion, a deeper connection.

Then a man is desiring to attract and be with a truly beautiful woman in a deep relationship, every time that guy chooses to sleep with or date or lead on some girl that is not part of their life-purpose, it is distracting them from their vision and this happening is something women have evolved an extremely high-degree of sensitivity to.

If a guy is thinking about "how he can get sex", or worrying about his success at work, or whatever, he becomes more unattractive to more women. Women can sense that he is distracted and not pursuing his vision, and a man’s purpose is a major factor. This is why women are so attracted to men with money.

The summary:

1. 1. Society gives money to people who provide value.
   2. People who provide high value to many people feel good, they also receive money.
   3. To provide high value to many, generally requires purpose, vision, and presence of mind.

So if a woman has not learned to tell the difference between vision-faking, money-postured guys without substance, and visionary, succesful guys who are consciously providing-value, then they are misled.

Every time a man sleeps with- or lusts after a chick that is not suited to what he really wants, he is taking his some moments and thoughts of his day, setting them aside, and allowing himself to be distracted from his true vision + purpose.

I was talking to a girl once, we were flirting heavily, and I mentioned that it was time for me to hang up. Shortly after, the conversation took a very sexual turn, and I assessed the situation, changed my mind, and I felt like sticking around. Sticking around felt in-line with my vision (this is key.) After a few minutes, she laughed and told me that I was ‘easily distracted,’ and it felt very strange to me because deep-down I knew I was rock-solid present, and her interpretation of the situation didn’t feel right to me. I came to realize very quickly that I was the exact opposite of easily-distracted, and that I’d simply changed my mind and chosen to chat a bit longer, as life had presented me with the opportunity.

It’s a fine and subtle thing though, because the same thing could happen with another two people, and the girl would’ve been correct.

What women are truly looking for is presence, penetrating attention, and direction. Someone who is not easily distracted and who mis-uses their power of attention. Women are not necessarily seeking money, but they can be very related! A guy who is out in the world, thinking about how to provide value all the time, is a man who’s on target. This man has a mission. He’s building something. He’s done work on himself to grow. He’s almost certainly making some money and is comfortable with the way he does this, and it is not hard to see his endeavours bearing more fruit soon. This is an extremely attractive man. A man who is easily distracted, has a very difficult time making money, or if he does make much, he is miserable while doing so.

The point is, thoughts are energy, and they translate into action, so if you’re not choosing value-providing actions and thinking value-providing thoughts, then you are toning-down your own attractiveness to women.

A simple example of value-providing thoughts are jokes; this is why women are so sensitive to sense-of-humour. Sense of humour is the mark of a quick mind that has a habitual, disciplined practice of providing value in conversation and socialization.

(Feel free to give a courtesy chuckle here — it’ll be good for both of us, honest )

Women love relationships. They desire a relationship with a conscious, aware, high-value man who has something he’s working towards. If you are in a job you don’t really feel helps the world (and the world tends to show you appreciation by providing you money,) you’re holding back your attraction, and women can tell. This often manifests in our society through money, so if you’re not helping the world, women can sense it, you are almost certainly holding back your own attractiveness to women.

Guys, trust yourselves:

"Attract a beautiful, devoted woman by cutting out distractions, focusing on your purpose, and providing value to the world."

 

So here it is in a nutshell, if you’re at a phase in life, where it’s time for flavour, fun, and playing around the edges of relationships, go for it, and enjoy the chewing gum sex.

If you’re at a point where that doesn’t interest you as much, and you’re interested deeper, more merged, more passionate prolonged connections, be aware and knowledgeable about how your choices and thoughts about other partners affect your own personal desirability and magnetism.

Also keep in mind, everyone is different, everyone can have their own experience or be an exception to a rule. Please take the information in this post as generalizations in order to clarify and help steer people towards what’s right for them.

Disclaimer: These are all generalizations. This article is about relationships and masculine-feminine polarity. As with all SpiritSentient’s relationship articles, we work under the premise of using the terms "Men/Guys" and "Women?Chicks" as substitutes for "Currently-Masculine-Oriented-Partner" and "Currently-Feminine-Oriented-Partner" because we understand and accept that everyone has the option/choice to be accessing a masculine side of themselves or a feminine side of themselves at any time.

BONUS: SPIRITSENTIENT TYPOGRAPHIC THOUGHTS ON RELATIONSHIPS.

Inspired by: David Deida Audio Clips and YourTango.com article.