Hey, Can You Relate?

A few minutes ago, I stumbled across Melanie Richardson, while browsing through Model Mayhem, and I was very impressed.

Her portfolio began:

"I know sex sells, but I’m sooo much more than my ass… check out my port & follow me on twitter.com/primarythoughts. Also, much of my portfolio is untouched, no photoshop photography. Take me as I am."

Hell yes, people. One of the most refreshing model profiles I’ve come across. I felt really good about it, and surfed to her twitter and her blog (From My Father’s Knee) — and so many articles I read there were badass, conscious, spiritual* pieces on guys, girls, and dating, that I’ve a) shared with others myself and b) wanted to hear coming from a woman recognized as beautiful by society at large (and she most certainly is a stunning chick.)

I read her piece "They Call It Beasting" on confidence, charisma, and *presence*, her primer for guys (Ima Need You To…) on approaching women, and her entreaty towards women to stop complaining and start doing something about the quality of guys they attract (Dating 101: Marketing.)

I loved them all. Oh sure, there are bits and pieces I could take issue with or don’t feel in harmony with my current understanding with relationships, but why? She has some beautiful words to offer.

Here’s a couple excerpts:

"Ladies, what are you trying to sell? It is your marketing plan in the works. Do you keep finding yourself with the same dude, different body? Do you really have internal value?…Could it be that all that bitterness is baggage that you created with your own faulty marketing plan?"

I’ve seen people (guys and girls) repeat patterns with partner selection time and time again, and for Melanie to address this demographic seems wonderful.

"For those of you that like getting left on the shelf because you know that God is going to deliver that ideal man. Cool! Keeping holding on, but while you wait keep in mind that the bible teaches us to nurture a healthy mind, body and spirit….don’t wait for some man to foot your ticket out of small town Bliss, Idaho. You want a man that finds value in a healthy body – cleanse your plate. You want a man that can hold a great conversation – feed your mind. Prepare yourself for what you want in life."

Amen to that.

The thing I found most refreshing, was that Melanie’s intelligence, spirituality, and grasp on life came across so much stronger on her profile/blog than her physical beauty (which, if I’ve not mentioned, she’s blessed with plenty of — if you’re on Model Mayhem, check out her portfolio here), and here’s the rub.

Many people have an issue with the fact that society (this includes men, women, and children) focuses on/registers first a woman’s physical beauty, and then subsequently, her mind.

The flipside of that, is society also tends to notice a guy’s sense of humour/adventure/success first, and subsequently, how good he looks.

"Guys are sooooo lucky, they don’t have to look good."

"Girls are sooooo lucky, all they have to do is look pretty."

Perhaps you’ve heard statements like these before.

I’d like to propose though, that these perspectives and this situation, is actually a perfect, natural, convenient balance,a perfect compliment for attracting mates. In an intimate longterm relationship, both parties will feel miserable if they are not given opportunity and allowed to shine, to have a trait that their partner prefers expressed through them. If their partner preferred beauty, intellect, and spirituality all expressed over-the-top through themselves, there is no space, no room, for their significant other to shine. What kind of life is that? (If you want that, by all means enjoy ) On top of that, I see each person is in a relationship for growth of all involved and to express more love in the world and to provide value to their partner, themselves, and the world. If each partner does not have something to excel at, to thrive on, to be noticed and appreciated for, there is an imbalance, and that dischord will be felt by both people, stronger and stronger, until they split apart (often unpleasantly).

It is perfect and wonderful to be appreciated initially for abstract spiritual/intellectual concepts first such as abundance, charisma, and adventure. It is fantastic to show love through intelligence, charisma, and direction.

It is beautiful to be appreciated primarly for jaw-dropping physical beauty, and afterwards have someone appreciate one’s mind. It is amazing to demonstrate and express love preferentially through one’s body.

Both beauty and success are easy to attract, and easy to express. Knowing, and understanding how this works, changes everything. (SpiritSentient has written about this here and here.)

I’ve brought this all up because Melanie has written that she has in the past been afraid of her own beauty, and disliked the fact that people may not recognize her intelligence, so she focused on manifesting the reverse, promoting her mind not her body.

Her doing this is also beautiful, it’s variety, it’s cool. It’s the rare exception to society’s rule. Perhaps it’s what you, gentle reader, are interested in specifically, and more power to you.

This phenomenon is not unheard of, but it’s really wonderful for me to read an eloquent, honest, expression of it from a person clearly blessed with both gifts.

***

The timing on this is interesting, in the last couple weeks I’ve been approached/flirted with/and dated by a number of women, and you know what? They’re were all amazing people. Two were models/artists with amazing heads on their shoulders and doing big things in life. Starting organizations, helping people, and bringing beauty wherever they go. One was the President of a small business, and the last was a high-level manager at a retail chain who’s beloved by all her employees. I love it. These are the types of people I love to attract, I love around me, and who I feel propel me forward in life.

I envision a ‘new’ kind of relationship where the two people involved are complete, whole, beautiful individuals who compliment each other so well and so perfectly that they are able to grow together in life, side-by-side, and they are so in-tune and sensitive to each other, that anytime one grows slightly ahead of the other, it simply inspires the person to catch up, soar ahead, and repeat.

In my vision, the way this occurs is like duet of musicians, or a breakdance or freestyle battle, where both battlers are friends, but playfully ‘battle’ one another. Basically their relationship results in continued, powerful, amazing growth for them, as well as continued, powerful, amazing growth for humanity and the world as they constantly co-create together such wonderful things whether it be works of art, a beautiful family, or something else entirely.

They’d support each other’s individual life-purposes and visions as if they were their own, because they’d be so complimentary that they could not not help each other. It is absolutely beautiful.

And any combination of these gifts, to any degree is also beautiful. Take a look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, definitely easy to label a ‘beautiful couple.’

Anyway, from what I gather Melanie’s currently comfortable with her beauty and her mind, and so they both can shine, and in the new kind of relationship I envision, both of those gifts can co-exist without any darkening of one or the other, because if it is time for one partner to be recognized for a certain aspect, both partners will be sensitive to that, and help it happen.

So yeah…

*Note: Melanie’s spirituality seems heavily founded in Christianity, if this is an issue for you, I’d recommend putting it aside briefly to absorb some of the value contained in her blog.

Jason helps you successfully bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be, using his clarity & insight to help you rise in all areas. He speaks, writes, and offers success-coaching at http://RyzeOnline.com. He’s been featured on Firepole Marketing, Building Digital Empires, PuttyLike and IntuitiveSoul Radio. Follow him at @jasonfonceca.