Crying is Strength

Hey-ya…

On this lovely rainy, refreshing day I finished up my little blurb on crying. I would love and appreciate any and all feedback you have. Much love, guest poster Melodie Moon.

I cry.
I cry alone.
I cry in front of people.
I cry to grow.
I cry to let go.
I cry because just like after a cold shower…
I feel refreshed after and ready to take on the world

For most of my childhood I was told I was over sensitive. I was bullied a lot and I cried about it. Now looking back I am grateful for my own courage to cry. If I did not cry about it then, I would still be carrying around that hurt today. As children we are taught that crying is not acceptable, then taught how to bottle up our feelings so we don’t ‘burden’ our care-givers with our crying.

Crying is my strength, as it yours. It is our strength to overcome pain and discomfort. Crying is my body letting me know that my nervous system is relaxed enough to let go of pain and tension. Crying can also be a source of connection. When you cry together about a loss, be it a relationship or loved one, there is a mutual growth through crying which bonds you together.

When I cry around others there is this awkwardness. No one seems to know what do around someone that is crying. Should I leave? Do you need a kleenex? Should I say random things to try and make you feel better? Dammit, I don’t know what will make you feel better. There is the need to fix the crying person. The crying person does not need to be fixed. The crying person is healing right there in front of you and it is beautiful.

Tips on how to handle someone who is crying.

For the Masculine.
There is a good chance crying makes you feel really uncomfortable. That’s okay, when faced with something the masculine cannot logically fix, he gets this fight or flight response. Whoever is crying in front of you is most likely aware of this. Try and embrace your being uncomfortable. If it is open to you, try and move beyond it to where you are there to comfort and support the person who is crying.

For the Feminine
Most of the time we end up seeing our friends cry, a lot. You could be super comfortable with this or it could make you feel really awkward. Either way embrace where your at and appreciate that you care for this person enough to want to share in their growth.

Whoever is crying in front of you is either going to let you in or want to bite your head off, sometimes a bit of both. Respect where the crier is at and let them know you are there for support, a hug or a pat on the back. Trust your instincts on if they are telling you to go away because they truly want to be alone or because they are embarrassed.

It’s huge that you let them know in any way you can, that it’s okay that they are crying (saying “Everything is going to be okay” usually stems from a need to “fix” the crying person. Try and avoid this, if you can. You don’t need to fix them, just being there and supporting their healing is huge.) Say things like “I understand where you’re coming from”. We have all been hurt in someway or another so this would be a true statement coming from anyone. Agree with them and support them in their pain and growth.

We love being held, stroked or shown physical signs of love. This comes from childhood where we were held and soothed when we cried, didn’t that feel great? Sometimes we still need that soothing love in our lives. Whatever your comfort is, try finding a way to show the crier that they are loved and cared for. Hugging, rubbing someones back, holding their hand, giving them a massage, anything that feels right to you.

If there is a time concern, try and make the person laugh in anyway you can. Being completely outrageous and ridiculous really helps.

Three key points to remember when you encounter someone that is crying.

-Respect where they are at
-Let them know its okay that they are crying (trying to avoid them them its going to be “okay”)
-Show them supportive love the best way you know how

Thank-you for reading this. I can’t wait for the day when crying is accepted as a part of life and growth.

A few great resources that inspired me to write this.

Phoenix Tools – Crying Is Healing

Emax Health – Crying

The Experience Project – Can’t Get Close