Attraction Traction

Are relationships something that ‘just happen’ to you? Or is there more to it? Do you bumble in and out of them with no real understanding of what’s going on?

Consider this: There is nothing in life we cannot have conscious awareness of, and intentions and preferences for, including relationships.

We live in a relational world. The physical world, is defined by how we, as individuals, relate to our surroundings.

We can relate to objects, clients, bosses, businesses, friends, family, lovers, etc.

These relationships are more than stale, logical, interactions. They’re organic, living, changing, growing things. Heart to heart, soul to soul. On some level, we all know this to be true.

You may have in the past, or may know people, who believed relationships to be all about ‘getting’ others to behave in ways we ‘want,’ and that’s fine. That’s a certain phase of life. Many people have grown past/through/beyond that phase, and others are in transition. It doesn’t hurt to have a reminder that relationships don’t have to be about ‘getting people to do what you want.’

Relationships can be for that purpose, if we consciously intend it. If that’s what you want, by all means. I much prefer setting an intention and relationship goal of mutual growth, mutual creativity, mutual expression of love for the world, and other wonderful things that appeal to me, personally.

So I may get into this further later on, but for now, let’s say you understand how we can have haphazard, unconscious relationships, or how we can have purposeful one’s with a shared goal.

Let’s take a common shared goal, and it’s an oh-so-controversial one — a relationship for shared physical intimacy, long-term even. That’s right…Sex The goal is for two people (in this case we’ll use a ‘guy’[masculine] and a ‘girl’[feminine]), to attract a long-term fulfilling and growing, relatively traditional, relationship.

How does one go about attracting an intimate physical partner?

A SpiritSentient-favourite, relationship-teacher David Deida, weighs in with a new audio clip from one of his seminars, called "Why Would A Man Choose You?" — it’s absolutely brilliant. (I love this guy.)

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A little background on Deida’s teachings:

He gives an amazing perspective on the often observed gravitation of feminine-identified people towards love expressed as beauty, and the gravitation of masculine-identified people towards trust expressed as consciousness. This he explains, is why feminine is so commonly seen in tandem with with dance, ecstasy, emotion, body expression, beauty, decoration, adornment, some… thing. It’s also why masculine is so commonly seen associated with discipline, focus, drive, attention, meditation, motionless, stillness… blissful no-thing-ness.

He then goes on to examine how a feminine-person excelling at expression of energy and beauty, paired up with a masculine who excels at expressing calm, unshakeable, bad-ass still-consciousness, is a sublime pairing that many people are seeking, whether they know it or not.

For Women:

OK.

So, one of Deida’s latest audio clip explains basically, how a girl can attract an awesome guy.

He begins with the premise that generally feminine (women) are at home in a relationship, and masculine (men) are burdened by relationships. So, even if you were the most perfect woman giving him everything he wants, a man would STILL find a relationship with you, a ‘burden.’ Why would a man choose a burden? He wants life to be smooth, peaceful, still. He’s passionately doing his work, pursuing his career/whatever, and he has to *stop* that, to tend to a relationship… this is not his #1 top priority.

Unless… you’re able to *inspire* him, in a unique way that he can receive nowhere else. It is your inspirational assets that attract, whatever they happen to be. You can inspire through offering beautiful, transcendent gifts that no other woman can or will offer him.

If you do not offer him that, a man may date you, a man may sleep with you, but he won’t commit to the ‘burden’ of a relationship. He does so when his feelings tell him this person in front of him, is inspiring and her beauty is such that it is the perfect compliment to his still, consciousness, and together they are more than the sum of their parts.

You can choose to be that inspiration, taking steps to grow and hone your own inspirational expressions of beauty, or you can throw darts blind, sit and wait, and hope.

For Men:

You want to attract a sexy chick. Awesome, so how?

We all attract our reciprocals. If you truly wish to attract a beautiful, radiant woman who’s sublime at expressing energy and beauty — you need to become the proper masculine balance to that, honing your consciousness, attention, presence, and integrity. Possibly things you may not have actively thought about too often in life.

Deida illustrates how women are powerfully attracted by trustworthy, integrous, men of vision. It doesn’t matter so much what *scale* this is on, you don’t necessarily need to be some big-shot celebrity or rich career-driven guy, but some kind of clear vision of your life purpose (even if it’s to be a janitor or a dictator,) and the balls to execute it with integrity no matter what emotions are going on around you, is a huge leg-up for attracting women. This is powerful.

Women live primarily through their emotions, energy, beauty, physicality… and they are not very free to do this if they are always having to take on a role of sorting things out, remaining calm, rooted,stable. They naturally lean towards ecstatic expression, love, beauty.

They are attracted strongly to a man who can remain present, calm, assertive in the face of any kind of apparent life-problem or extreme energy. They can’t help but move towards a man who doesn’t flinch, a ballsy bad-ass — and again, it matters not the scale. Can you tell your co-worker that he’s upsetting you? Can you quit the job that’s not fulfilling for you? Can you be honest with people and express your feelings, despite possible consequences? Can you keep your word? Can you stay calm in times of apparent money trouble or during one of her emotional outbursts?

If you collapse at the slightest distress, this is a massive turn-off for women. If you unwaveringly know where you’re going in life, and execute that with clarity, and still have time, joy, passion, and energy to be present with a woman… this is a corresponding turn-on.

Armed with this knowledge, you can choose to be how you wish to be, and some ways might prove more effective for you, than others. Think about it.

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Anyway, that’s a quick run-down of some high-level relationship attraction knowledge from the teachings of Deida, blended with SpiritSentient’s own flair, and it’s interesting stuff, wouldn’t you say? (You may want to check out the leaders-followers article we wrote a couple months ago, although it’s not specifically about romantic relationships, it may be enlightening.) Hopefully this gets you thinking in different ways. Loving relationships are a beautiful thing.

*When we use the term woman or man in this article we simply mean feminine-identified-person and masculine-identified-person.