Are You A Leader Or A Follower?

Are you a leader or a follower?

Ever heard that question before? Ever seen a movie that applauds leaders and dismisses followers? Ever had a conversation where person A labels person B, who likes to follow the trends, a "sheep," with disgust? Ever trash-talked a politician, boss, or parent as a "garbage leader?"

These themes and ideas about leading and following, come up often because people, deep down, wish they had a handle on the subject. "Do I call myself a leader? A follower? Do I make fun of one or the other?" People have very mixed signals and beliefs about the topic.

Beliefs are very important to people, and almost everyone has incredibly strong personal beliefs about whether leaders are "good", or followers are "bad" or the opposite.

Yeup, you know if you’ve got an opinion, and you know if you have a label to toss around.

Here’s the thing though, (listen up!): everyone is a leader, and a follower.

Choose One For Fun

Variety rocks. It’s a big part of what makes life interesting, switching from one thing to another. Sure, there may be one thing that suits you most of the time, but playing around with them almost always helps. Choose to play around with the roles of leader and follower, have fun with it. By having fun with it, you acquire an understanding of what makes a good leader or follower. You acquire an understanding of what makes a good leader when you learn to follow. You acquire an understanding of what makes a good follower when you learn to lead. The ying and the yang; you can’t have one without the other, and they complement each other well. We often tend to prefer one or the other but being able to use either one at the right time makes life smooth and easy. Who doesn’t want life to be smooth and easy? You may already have switching from leader to follower down pat. So well in fact that you don’t even realize you’re doing it.

What If I Can’t Tell The Difference?

Let’s clarify:

Leaders… if you’re leading, you tend to make the final decision. You choose a direction. People ask you for your opinion and often seem hesitant or unsure until they get it. They look to you for guidance. This role often comes with some ‘responsibility.’ This can be seen when sometimes a-not-so-adept follower will blame the leader (person who had a large part in the decision) for something. A good leader will learn to accommodate this with understanding and a) be willing to take the blame and b) also lead into a new way of thinking quickly. Just because a person makes a mistake doesn’t mean they suck (or that they’re a bad leader) and it certainly doesn’t mean that we should all spend hours and hours focusing on such things.

Followers… If you’re following you tend to be ready and willing, but are looking for guidance. You lean one way or another, but usually avoid making a direct, committed decision and instead ask the people around you for their opinions, looking for them to take on the leadership role. If a leader does not come forth, you may feel like you have to do it or no one else will. Often this kind of thinking leads to anxiety and worry. Deep down, you’d much prefer to have someone else making the decisions and allow you to just continue giving input and leaving final calls up to them, and enjoying life in this way.

Note: It’s important to keep in mind that we all are leaders and followers at different times, in different moments and different situations. If you’re a master chef, it will feel very natural to be the leader in the kitchen. If you’re trying to make a website and have no idea what HTML is, then there’s a good chance you’d want someone else to be the leader in that area. Or maybe one second you were following, but inspiration struck and you suddenly transformed into the leader.

The Leader/Follower Contradiction

My experience has been that a defining factor of a great leader is the willingness to let others lead. It’s may seem a bit weird, but there it is.

“You got the power to let power go?” – Kanye West, Power.

We all have our own ways of learning things. Some people find that they need to butt heads and fight in order to be a leader and maybe they need to mess up quite a few times in order to understand how to really, smoothly, be a leader. Realizing that it’s okay to mess up as a leader, and it’s okay to allow a leader to mess up without resistance, helps. It works out. It’s okay.

It’s never quite clear what another’s story and path will be, and if they’re leading down a rocky shortcut, it’s often best to step out of the way let them have their fun, and then be there if they have questions or are ready to let a more skilled leader take over. Other times we will come across someone who just plain leads better than we do, at least in a certain areas. This is an amazing opportunity to let go and take a few hints on how we can improve our own leadership.

I personally enjoy following more than leading. We’re all leaders, but when I choose to follow, I follow only the best. That’s not to say I don’t love to step up when the time is right and flex my awesome leadership-skills. I really do. But, I often surround myself with amazing leaders who make it enjoyable and safe for me to let go and enjoy the flow of life. Being a good follower has a lot to do with letting go, and taking on the attitude of “I’m happy doing anything.” A leader who suits you will, of course, take you into account as they make decisions and want to help keep you happy and smiling. They’re going to make decisions that you’ll enjoy. Often times a leader’s satisfaction comes from an awesome follower, they get off on accomplishment and appreciation. (They like to lead you towards getting shit done and helping the cause.)

The First Follower is Still A Leader

Derek Sivers is a pretty cool dude, and he gave a talk at TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) on how a follower is still a leader. He used the example of the first follower, pointing out that a leader is someone who pioneers a different direction.

When he does this, he looks like a complete nut, and is doing something new, which is great, but the response from the general populace is often poor. Most people simply don’t have access to the vision, openness, and creative thinking needed to see the leadership in the guy who looks like a freak/rebel. They DO have the ability to join a bandwagon though. So that Leader, really needs a first follower.

This means that the first follower has to distance themselves a bit from their peers, and start liking and praising the nutcase-leader-person.

That takes guts. That takes courage. That takes someone acting like a leader.

The first follower is still a leader.

If You Get This, Life Rocks More

Learning to "feel out" when to be a leader or follower has made all my relationships much smoother. It also taught me about being aware of, and sensitive to, when others would prefer to be a leader or a follower.

When someone is arguing about going somewhere or making some decision their way, there is a good chance they are craving a leadership role. If their ideas come out with worry or confusion or hesitation, perhaps they’re just waiting for a strong leader to show themselves, and take the lead. Worry and tension comes out because the leadership position is not a position they feel comfortable in (at the time) nor do they truly want it. It shows up more as a, “If I don’t do it no one will,” kind of deal.

When you understand these subtleties, you can figure out whether to give them what they want or that it’s time to hang around someone else

First Time Hearing This? Wanna Discuss More?

You may be the first person in your group of friends, or workplace, or relationship that is exploring this. It can be a very sensitive issue, and a lot of people have been traumatized in their experiences with it, and may not be open to discussing it. Be gentle when you approach others about it, or discuss it more with others who get it first. There are people who get this stuff. Celebrities and their entourages usually have a decent handle on it, as do successful CEOs, soldiers, etc., or hey… try us here at SpiritSentient.

It Really, Really Helps

An understanding of whether you should be leading or following at any given time, is massively helpful. For me it’s the most helpful in my intimate relationship, and I can really speak to it’s awesome power in that area. I’m sure it can help in business, with prospects and employees and bosses and whatnot, but for me it’s most magnified in romantic relationships. Fights and arguments emerge when two people want the helm. Figure out what you prefer (in general, and in each moment) and then talk to your partner. Getting on the same page with your partner will be the fastest and easiest way to see the massive power of understanding the leader/follower dynamic.

A really interesting synchronicity is that Jeanette Maw of Good Vibe Blog recently posted an article on leading as a life strategy, using the metaphor of leading a loose dog back in the house. Check it out.

And a really in-depth, helpful resource: Followership @ Changing Minds.