39 Unique, Hand-Selected Links On Love + Sex

This article touches on some subject matter that has been known to stir up people’s emotions (or neuroses.) If you consider yourself squeamish or a prude, or this topic is just not your thing, we recommend checking out the rest of the site instead

Social relationships and romantic relationships are hot topics, don’t you think? So many people desire to know more about ‘picking up,’ know more about romance, and know more about getting laid.

The desire to know more about these topics is observably common in our society. Often times, people are so focused on these things (in a sort of confused way,) that they miss seeing the forest for the trees, and they don’t realize the beautiful ways they can enrich their skills/success/results in all of the above mentioned areas, simply by understanding some of the subtler, more esoteric concepts of relationships.

I’ve always been massively into relationships and communication, and recently I’ve been coming across the concept of language and communication as the process + structure of societal evolution. (I’ve been reading a lot of Capra recently.)

The basic breakdown of this generally intellectualized topic is that communication (thoughts, words, choices, actions,) is people’s core tool for continually evolving ourselves, others, and humanity.

I’d like to note that everyone has their own thoughts, ideas, and perspectives on communication in relationships, and that variety of approaches is wonderful and beautiful.

SpiritSentient often discusses yin/yang Polarity, masculine-feminine balance, and how every person has their own choice to be either/all of those things at any given time (or they may choose neutrality.) These concepts are explored much more in-depth by David Deida (who though we are not affiliated with in anyway, we promote often, ’cause he’s awesome.)

We also look at ego-trascendence as another tool to access more powerful interactions with people and in relationships in general. This is explored much more in-depth by Stephane + Greta Hemon of IdeaGasms.

Communication as Relationship Evolution, Ego-Transcendence and Yin-Yang Polarity: these concepts are often seen as ‘esoteric’ and not-very-applicable to western society, (which reeks of a closed-mind to us,) and that is totally fine if that’s the way you want to look at it.

These concepts are geared towards ‘next-level’, elevated, conscious relationships and though seemingly off-the-wall and inapplicable for most people, are directly related to the simpler, nitty-gritty aspects of societal interaction; things that a majority of people are interested in like flirtation, pick-up, dating etiquette, and sex.

At SpiritSentient, we consciously choose not to write much on the minutely fine choices of relationships like "When is the best time to call a girl?" or "Am I slutty if I put out on the first date?", we prefer to focus on broad, sweeping, life-changing intentions such as "What type of life do you enjoy living? What qualities do you see in a partner or partners sharing your life with you?"

This doesn’t mean that we’ve not studied these minute, detail-oriented questions… we have studied them, and now we’ll share some of the most eye-opening stuff we’ve come across.

These authors and idea-people have addressed everything you could possibly imagine about relationships: from guys perspectives, girls perspectives, couples’, society’s and the world at large’s, and all of them can be extremely enlightening. (We’re not gender/label oriented, but usually use ‘guys’ and ‘girls’ to aid in brevity)

Guys (or masculine-identified persons,) check out:

VenusianArts

Psyduction

Wing Girls

YangTown

Girls (or feminine-leaning persons):

Shopping For Love

Reuniting.info

Your Tango

(Note: we’ve read both sides, and highly recommend enlightening oneself about the perspective from the opposite side.)

Okay, sweet. Those are some pretty awesome resources up there. We’d give you a minute to click-away to somewhere else, but we know this article is riveting and you can’t resist reading further

What follows are some ‘Next-Level’, esoteric resources that the majority of society generally does not encounter, is not interested in, or rarely has access to, for whatever reason.

Are you one of those who are ready for more interesting ideas and approaches, and more creative and visionary concepts?

Sure you are

It is our passion to open people’s minds to ideas — so seriously people, if you’re not having all the success you want in the areas of sex + romance, please consider reading something that you may have considered (and labelled) ‘crazy’, ‘hippie’, or ‘a useless waste of time’ before (we know people’s mind’s do that sometimes.)

If you’re interested in the empowerment and awesome life-results that can come from re-connecting with your own body and listening to it as well as directing it, check out the sections below:

1. Society is taught next to nothing about our own bodies.

Besides what we can suss out for ourselves, very little teaching has been instituted as a society on this topic.

Has anyone ever really offered you open, empowering information, knowledge, and guidance regarding your own genitals? Or were the people around you shy towards, or over-bearing about sex?

Maybe you had a lot of education from parents, maybe you had a little. It’s not unlikely that all you really had was sex ed. in grade 6 for a couple hours, watching out-dated videos that had almost no impact on you as a person, and whatever experimenting you’ve done on your own with your own body.

Speaking of bodies, here’s a look at how SpiritSentient feels about theirs:

Jason loves his muscles, and consequently, he’s been able to use them more and more passionately, and they continually impress people with their strength, whether it’s shovelling the driveway, resisting a choke-hold during sparring, or at the gym.

Arthur loves his flexibility, tendons, and ligaments, and so naturally, he is one of the most supremely flexible guys in our circle — Bruce Lee/Yoga/Dancer style.

Our mutual passion for these specific aspects of ourselves helps others appreciate these aspects to a certain degree as well and so it spreads.

Why are we telling you this?

The point is that most people have a part of their body that they love, focus on, and feel fulfilled when using. Dancers generally are really in-tune with their feet/hips. Rock-climbers are thrilled when their fingers/grip lifts them to new heights. Some women luxuriate in their hair, some guys love their own smiles or jawlines.

In contrast, there is usually a part of people’s bodies that they neglect, which goes relatively unloved. Are there perhaps some parts about yourself that you aren’t currently loving as much, feeling as thrilled about, or even giving a second thought?

It’s not uncommon for this ignored part to be a person’s genitals. Many people have no clue about what’s going on with their own sex-parts, and without getting into the deep history for how this has come to be, our society has bred a disconnect between our awareness and this area of our bodies.

Perhaps you think in terms such as "Oh, yeah, I have a cock and I love getting off." or "Yeah, that’s my pussy, it’s for making babies?" — ‘real’ awareness and attention to one’s body goes much deeper than that.

Many people can explain how when they don’t eat or drink, it affects their energy levels and ability to function. Many can tell you how they can’t function ’til they have a coffee in the morning. Many can tell you how muscles interact and feel, how blood flows, how their breathing is, how tendons work, or how their reflexes operate. How many of them are ready and able to explain how things affect their plumbing?

Women – Are you familiar with your vagina? Not just your clitoris, but your labia, cervix, ovaries and vaginal walls? Do you know why you feel the way you feel and what’s going on inside you at any given time? Did you ever consider that perhaps you can control your own menstruation, the way hunger pangs can sometimes be made to disappear or the way you might be able to transform a need to use the bathroom… all these things and abilities are part of your own body.

Men – Do you realize your penis is an extension of you? Have you considered that perhaps it’s not some separate thing for you to use as a crutch or a distraction? Or one that leads you around into troublesome situations? Maybe it’s a tool of self-expression, body-language, and one that can guide you to know many things about yourself, the same way a headache might let you know you had too much computer time, or the way tendonitis could point the way to too much repeated excersize.

The Beautiful Cervix Project – This site contains galleries of a woman’s cervix during certain periods of life (pregnancy, menstrual cycle, surgery, etc.) – a very intimate and eye-opening look at the internal and external expressions of a cervix. It’s sometimes considered quite graphic, but to me personally, it’s beautiful. I almost recommend it more for guys, instead of ovulation and PMS and menstruation being a bewildering /frustrating mystery, it can be something to love… beautiful, understandable, and changeable. (I learned a ton from the gallery of a 25 year-old woman’s menstrual cycle.)

Be Aware of How You Masturbate (Barbara Keesling, Google Books) – Similar to how it is for women, a lack of awareness of one’s own erections, what they’re for, and what sign we guys bodies are giving us, can hold us back from our desired life. Does your penis lead you around? Do you find yourself wasting time and energy trying to get laid or just masturbating hours of the day away? Ask yourself why? Is it because you don’t really truly believe deep-down that your cock exists for a reason and a purpose as an extension of you, and that it can and will do what you intend? It can be used for some ‘low’-level pleasure that whiles away your days here on earth, or it can be used for ‘high’-level, world-helping multi-purpose intentions — such as expressing true and beautiful love while getting a girl off while creating a beautiful child who’ll grow up to invent something amazing while setting an example for future generations and all the while feeling amazing.

Either that or it can just feel freakin’ amazing, which is not to say one is better than the other You decide, and what’s best may change moment to moment.

2. Sex as pro-creation vs. sex as recreation vs. sex as communication.

Transcend this paradigm/battle. Now, if you feel able.

Sex is all three and more. The key to appreciating it in this way is to master your own biological processes, instead of being driven and manipulated by them. Many times we can hear a woman say "My biological clock is ticking", or "Sorry, blame it on the hormones." Similarly you can hear men utter phrases like "Well, what was I supposed to do, look at how she dressed." or "Well, what was I supposed to do, I had blue-balls, I needed to jack-off."

These phrases if they are uttered out of habit, without conscious thought, can be indicators that one’s sexuality is running one’s life, and robbing one of powerful choices.

Take a look at these resources to learn more about mastering your own biology instead of being a victim to it.

Fertility Awareness Method – considered by some (*mostly those who’ve not tried it) to be an unreliable and foolish method of birth-control, FAM is also considered by many of those (who have experienced it and do practice it) to be the ultimate form of birth-control. At advanced levels it requires no tools, freeing partners up for extremely sensual skin-to-skin penis-in-vagina contact while offering more security than any other form of birth control (barring body-modding surgery) currently marketed, and promoting a body/mind/soul mastery that makes pregnancy into a simple conscious choice. Quote from the site:

"FAM was developed in the ’50s, when scientists began to better understand how the menstrual cycle worked. They’re side-effect free, virtually cost-free and can be 95 percent to 98 percent effective when done correctly."

This relates to the knowledge of bodies touched on in the above link (The Beautiful Cervix Project), which also guides people towards a high-level of sexual freedom with a partner, through body/cycle awarenes.

Ejaculation Control – Just as women can look into the Fertility Awareness Method, men have a chance to learn ejaculation control, their own form of natural birth-control. There is a ton of calories, resources, and energy that goes into producing sperm — and when these resources get shot out of the body into a tissue, or a condom, or into some woman you only care about as a masturbatory aid, how beneficial to your life and the world do you think this is? Might not be the most helpful idea to continue with. Do more, control your ejaculation and enjoy the beauty in accessory-less, condom-less, skin-to-skin sex? If you’re happy doing what you’ve been doing, by all means keep at it. If on the other hand you’re open to more, perhaps explore ejaculation control. The advanced level of this principle involves multiple orgasms with out ejaculation, and really, really… does that not sound at least vaguely interesting, guys? The main pioneer for this idea is Mantak Chia, but since there are very little free articles by him on the net regarding ejaculatory contorl, I’ll direct you to Ryan at Yangtown’s take on Mantak’s Deer Exercise.

3. Sex requires energy, time, and body-resources, and many of us waste them by default.

The fact that sexuality requires calories, time, and focus and/or attention almost seems like common sense, and can be very easy to observe if one pauses briefly to think about it.

Human beings are boundaried physical creatures (defined by the boundary of our skin,) and inside that boundary exists bajillions of cells. Each cell is a little energy factory. Wasting one cell may seem insignificant, but wasting millions of sperm in a kleenex or emptying trillions of blood cells every month into a pad to throw in the trash? Couldn’t there possibly, maybe, (oh-please-oh-please) hopefully be an alternative to just dumping gobs and gobs of our own bodies, energies, and cells in the trash? Don’t we love every awesome cell of our bodies, those that make up our arms, fingers, blood, sperm, whatever?

Sure we do So that being the case, why does society so often embrace any idea about sex that the media feeds us? Why do we end up using our cells, time, and energies simply for distraction and to make the media masters rich? Why do we, on auto-pilot, waste time and energy on relatively useless sexual pursuits, only to have to rest more, sleep more, and consume food more, just to replace the wasted energy? Does this seem efficient? Fun? (Eco-friendly? )

Menstruation Mastery – Menstruation is a body process that is often thought of as a burden, automatic, and unchangeable; it’s viewed here in a different light. It is viewed as a beautiful part of the body, and as a guiding sign and a cycling system which regulates and replenishes eggs and energies. There is a tremendous, (massively tremendous) amount of cells, calories, resources, and energy that go into the creation of eggs and the ovarian environment, in order to prepare for fertilzation. Many people consider those body-resources as a ‘write-off’ and simply let them all go to waste, usually blocking them with some kind of contraceptive. We’d love for you to consider that those cells, calories, resources and energy can be put to better, conscious, directed use, through a deep knowledge of, and connection with our own bodies.

Menstruation’s main purpose is to prepare for child-birth. It has evolved into a subconscious, relatively automatic system, but does that mean it’s completely uncontrollable, unmanageable, and that it has the power to run a person’s choices, desires, and LIFE at all times?

The link at the beginning of this section is an outline to menstruation mastery, as this topic is not yet widely covered on the internet. Here’s another, and if you catch yourself playing the victim to your cycle, blaming it, using it as an excuse, or becoming frustrated by your apparent lack of control over it, consider the teachings of Saida Desilets.

A quote from the site: "If a woman is not intending to have children in the immediate future or is already beyond her reproductive years or simply entering menopause, it is very important that she learns to recycle the concentrated energy of the ovaries back to the vital organs and nervous system from where it came. Recycling will prevent the all too common irregularities that accompany menstruation and the hormonal changes with menopause."

Direct Your Energy – Evolution-wise, men have generally evolved into naturals at directing things, which is beautiful. They often have a deep capability to focus intensely, being completely present and undistracted by things such as a messy environment, noise, worldly demands etc. They can compartmentalize, and offer or withdraw their attention powerfully. (note: this is not to say women can’t do this, it’s merely to observe the clear inclination of men towards this type of thing.) Gentlemen, do you exercise this directing ability with your sexual energy? Do you put your attention on it and direct it exactly where you consciously choose? When a sexy image flickers past the TV that you have on in the background, do you consciously choose to direct your attention and focus on the image? Or do you end up looking at the image by knee-jerk reaction, hopelessly taken away from whatever beautiful self-growth or world-helping task you were performing before the TV showed you a sexy image? Do you consciously look at something else? If you do look at it, can it distract your mind down some ridiculous path, or can you enjoy it consciously, fully aware that media is trying to peddle something to you, market something to you? Can you look, take from it what you will, and move on?

This interview with Sol Sebastian is a very cool clip with an interesting look at the subject. Sol is the founder of the Alchemy of Man, and has some intriguing ideas on sexuality.

 

4. Our thoughts and attitudes shape our relationships.

This is not an uncommon connection to make, and there is lots of info regarding this available on the net, but we’ll devote some words to it anyways, as it’s interesting Right?

Conscious Submission – Submissiveness in the past was the status quo for women, and was often looked down upon as a weak, powerless energy. It can be looked at in a more enlightened way – as that of a conscious choice.

Two beautiful human beings, both with talents and preferences, exist in a relationship. Let’s assume this relationship is not that of a neutral relationship, and that each partner leans a certain way on the D/s scale. The submissive-identified person thrives on intense, intimate, emotionally flowing relationships. The submissive is a monumental, radiant, brilliant sensitive, emotional giver. One so ready, excited, and enthusiastic about giving, that she’d prefer to have a dominant, disciplined counterpart in her life to provide a balance. This makes sense as far as preferences go. It’s not necessary to judge or label this, and it is (currently) a common desire expressed by women, for whatever reason. The submissive’s main joy is through the beauty of actions + choices geared towards sustaining a relationship, and that is how s/he ROCKS LIFE. This is in contrast to the dominant-identified person, who thrives on directing her/himself, relationship or no relationship, towards ROCKING LIFE.

While society has de-valued relationships with even a hint of ‘dependency’ (even if it be inter-dependency), and labelled them as un-healthy, it is up to each person and individual to either go along with any harping that society and the media’s spreads saying that submissiveness is ‘not good’, or not.

Chelsea Summers, blogger at Pretty Dumb Things and author at FilthyGorgeousThings.com) says this about submission: "Submissive acts grant me an inherent license to experience pleasure in acts that my mind would usually fear. Usually, that is when I am not bound, not gagged, not restrained by word or deed, when a man is fucking me forcefully, usually, my mind remains active. Those busy, busy whirring hamster wheels of my head keep me feeling afraid, and they keep me from experiencing fully every tidbit of pleasure I could get from the experience.

Those hamster wheels get in the way, what with their furry and fearful ceaseless whirring."

You may also enjoy this view on The Healthy Submissive.

Conscious Domination – Another controversial topic, and also historically maligned and misunderstood. One of the more interesting takes on domination isn’t about one person’s power subverting or squashing another person’s, it’s about understanding and appreciating the beauty of everyone and everything, and through that attitude, attracting an equally powerful partner who through their emotional/relational radiance shines and wishes to express themselves + play a submissive role, at the same time as the dominant-identified person goes about expressing and playing a dominant role. Have a look at Steve Pavlina’s enlightening take on things.

Fantasize This – A woman who went by the name of Bliatz (long-gone from the net I believe, but she was around in 2006 and I made a note of her awesomeness), had this to say regarding her mind’s thoughts and fantasies:

"All those nasty, to-the-limit, semi-rape, full blown gang-bang scenarios that my mind seem to slip into in the most matter-of-fact manner…They are simply mind fuel, scenes and gestures, still pictures, words and details that my mind have found to be the most arousing bits and pieces it can come up with. And sometimes, they will inspire reality. Small parts of them can be lived out and tested, limits can be pushed and challenged…Somehow, those fantasies are also the very core of my sexuality. They tell me how my sexual mind works, what it is attracted to."

There is a flip-side to her thoughts, and that is that while fantasies are just fantasies, each moment we exist on this earth, we have the option of acknowledging and encouraging a thought, or acknowledging it and dismissing it as not a priority/focus/something-we’d-like-more-of. We don’t have to choose and propogate every fantastic thought that runs through our heads.

Note: As usual, this charged topic is brought to you by SpiritSentient, and though we have our own personal preferences/biases/whatever-you-call them, we present the info here with the intention that you make your own choices, pick your own preferences. If you feel better in one role or another, flipping back and forth, remaining neutral, whatever it is that suits you — fucking go for it with our whole-hearted encouragement. We love you all.

To wrap-up this section:

A somehow relevant quote from the blog Shopping For Love (who also links David Deida and Osho…sexxxy,) goes:

"I think it is very sad that women so often cage the wild creature they were first attracted to. And then once they have him in their lair, subdued, emasculated, slaving away to the domicile, firmly tied to the bed with velvet ropes, they start complaining: "What happened to the man I fell in love with?" — Love Shopper"

5. Society has promoted a living environment which excludes room for bonding, generosity, connection, and appreciation.

We rush, we drive, we crowd, we stress, we breathe shallowly, and behave shortly, always looking to get to the next thing before appreciating what we have now, so big on securing the future, or dredging up the past. This is our current society, and it’s ok, we can change it… if we want.

Bonding Behaviours – It’s often said that "it’s the little things," and there is a large amount of truth to be discovered there. Instead of being busy with fight-or-flight survival-style harsh behaviour, we can access a massive portion of our minds, hearts, and souls and expresses little gestures of love. They don’t take much effort, they don’t take much time, they’re suuuuper easy, but only if we can pull our heads out of the daily grind many of us seem to have created for ourselves, otherwise, they feel uninspired, unmotivating, and impossible. Not many people find it easy to stop and pick a flower or a gift, when the mortgage payment is about to default.

6. We have at some point, neglected potent spiritual concepts, dismissing their validity towards relationships.

Related to point five (‘Society has promoted a living environment which excludes room for bonding, generosity, connection, and appreciation’), is a subtle but extremely hot tip for having an un-hurried life full of space/time for expressing love, and that is to live by the principles of faith, trust, compassion, peace, and love.

Yep, it works wonders. We know you know this deep down, and are happy to remind anyone who needs it

Do what you love, do what you feel inspired for, and passionate about. Access and expand your own vision for your own life, and in doing so… a beautiful success will come, where time, money, security and freedom to express love towards other human beings manifests more and more often.

Miracles (or awesome opportunities) can happen. You may start needing way less sleep, find yourself up, motivated, and meeting all kinds of opportunities and connecting with beautiful talented people who love to help you, because you are such a vibrant, happy person to be around and be associated with. These things make it much, much easier to express love through small gestures, and take a break from the hub-bub of city life.

Many people see the reality around them — made up of a lack of romance, or a lack of sex, or a lack of partners, or a lack of friends — as a symptom that needs to be cured, rather than a healthy indication that they have some powerful moves to make and growth to experience in order to live their desired life.

If our bodies ache, is that "just the way life is"? Or is it a sign we need rest, nutrients, a break, variety, activity, surgery or some other care to our bodies?

And if we’re not connecting emotionally or sexually with someone whom we’d prefer to connect with, is that "just how life is"? Or is it a sign letting us know that we or they could benefit from spiritual growth? Maybe it’s letting us know we can get our shit together more, or exercise some more faith, trust, and ballsy moves, and in doing so, make our lives better!

From Bliatz again: "Trust is in the origin of human life. Without trust in other human beings, we can simply not live.  The newborn child is the most dependent being on earth, totally in the hands of the adult human persons surrounding it. Trust comes naturally. This is the primacy of human trust."

Anyway, this concludes a sizable chunk of info and ideas, delivered with love, from SpiritSentient to you. We hope and trust you enjoyed it.

Extra Awesome Resources:

David Deida

Jade Goddess

Blue Truth

Ideagasms

Osho on Sex and Love

Pretty Dumb Things

SubmissiveLoving.com

Orgasmic Birth

SpirituallySexy

It couldn’t hurt to leave you all with some extra links filled with what feels to us, to be super-helpful, definitely not your run-of-the-mill info. Thanks so much for your time and attention

"I with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman." — Anais Nin (I always liked Anais Nin’s words…)

By the way… A tremendous amount of energy went into this article, we offer it for free to enlighten + elevate and brighten people’s lives. If you’re able to find it in your hearts to share this with others (email, stumble, digg, facebook), comment and add some feedback to the post, donate, simply think happy thoughts towards SpiritSentient, it will likely help much much more than you imagine. Thank you all lots and lots!

P.S. If you liked this, you’ll probably like our I Love Women video — check it.